caranusa crOwl look me in the eye so i can see how beautiful you are, even if it is just this matter of mere seconds, ticks from the broken clock that my life is becoming. you are a prisoner of circumstance and you are trapped for the crime of being human, of being a leaf in the wind. a small twig in the stream, a cloud in the sky, a drop of blood. you are an installment in someone's performance art piece, one whose spectators must drive in cars and observe from the windows of the temporary soul. how does one understand who they are? where their being originated? are we to be gazers of our own lives or are we to provide substance for others to observe? watch me fall. i stretch and twist my fingers into skintight leather gloves and toss chemicals to the ground. i fit, like muscle over bone into my extraordinary life, like a door shutting and the canisters of the well-oiled lock click crisply into place. into place. where i am supposed to be. i am living the life that is mine, as if we could possess eternity. it is all of us together. it is all ours. i want to be a balloon in the hand of a child. she holds me. she carries me about and i am what makes her happy. she takes me home and ties me on her bedpost. she crawls into bed and falls asleep. in the morning i have fallen to the floor, exhausted, no longer able to keep myself up. she sees me when she wakes and cries for the loss of happiness. we have stopped at the same time. 041009 ... crOwl caranusa is a recognition, if it can justly be defined. awareness. being able to see what isn't there and revealing to others what is. through white_dog_day this was accomplished. that day, when at 15 i was estranged from my mentally ill father and sought solace in the woods at orchard hill. it was there on a hill called hollyendontool where i first met my crowl in the agile, amicable, angelical form of a white, female dog, mongrel but beautiful. she comforted me. she listened to my silent screams. when i was happy again she disappeared and left me alone. it was the first time i traveled to a parallel world. caranusa is my individual contribution to society. what god has given to me, what god has ripped from the pages of his book and formed into a paper airplane and tossed to the earth. me. caranusa is me. one day. one feeling. one mission. this moment here. 041013 ... crOwl when i was little i used to think i would become...because things that grow manifest. if all turns to ash, it is only the fire burning inside of me that remains. perhaps i am a story someone is writing, an unfinished fiction. caranusa...jacob's ladder let down out of the sky. i climb, almost reach the top and fall. injured, i seek healing in everyone that i meet, all of us walking wounded from trying to ascend. why are there broken rungs? why are there missing rungs? 051208 ... crOwl do you know your crowl? have you met it yet? i hope you do. it makes all the difference in the world and other worlds. 061007 ... crOwl someone said i should never betray your name but i think i've done it so many times without thinking, and that's what troubles me. yeah. i'm in trouble. i could simply exhale. inhale. exhale. the truth is there's no where to start. when you lose everything then you can do anything. 071004 ... cr0wl inside out confidence in goodness to the last breath compiling written and illustrative evidence of a life well-lived. some of your best friends should be children. 091009 ... cr0wl it matters. not for me. it matters for humanity. i am the experiment my soul is conducting inside my own head. i've thrown the boomerang and now wait for it to come back to me. 101006 ... PeeT bloodbreathcellsneurons 121006 ... PeeT it has to be more than science. even einstein said so but i guess he shouldn't have called it god. kind of got in trouble for that. but caranusa is the hope there is way more. i want to be able to decipher the tale as it comes, like modern hieroglyphics. 121006 what's it to you? who go blather from