blue_star silentbob i'd like to take this opportunity to recognize Blue Star who has recently had a sudden burst of emotion that i haven't noticed shining through in her blathe's before. 020425 ... blue star you are so sweet, bobby. thank you. i love you. 020427 ... Photophobe Red I concurr. been blatherstalking you a fair bit 020428 ... silentbob perhaps, but i didn't notice it til now 020429 ... blue star well I guess I don't really know if I love you. I was just excited that somebody notices what I write. I do admire you quite a lot though. 020429 ... angie Blue star rules! I really like her vegetables too. Muahahaha 020508 ... silentbob i'm coming to rochester to see ann and elsa again. maybe i'll get to meet you and jessi 020509 ... blue star angie, that was evil. bobby, that would be simply marvelous, dahling. It would be an excuse for me to see those guys too... we don't get to hang out much anymore... 020509 ... peyton yep, I've read Polgara the Sorceress.. three times I've also read the Belgariad, the Malloreon, Belgarath the Sorcerer, the Elenium, and The Rivan Codex :) *hugs* 020515 ... little wonder I believe he is as obsessed as you are, Megan. I came close. 020515 ... rats eulb I flipped out today... my sister opened up this thing of magnetic poetry that I bought at goodwill... (Remember, Angie? The mom ones?) I had had a really bad day.... this fucker in a suburban followed me all the way home w/ his brights directly in my rearview mirror... and I've been tired... and I was just in a bad mood already... And then I see that. I just broke down and sobbed. I feel like such a child right now. But I still feel like sobbing. I know I should go sleep it off but I'm still feeling too belligerant to sleep. It's times like these when it's easiest to believe in the salvation of suicide. Why do I get so upset over this shit? What the fuck is wrong with me? And why can't someone come along who won't judge me on how fucked up I am? (Megan feeling sorry for herself in 4... 3... 2... 1...) I try to be respectful and non-judgemental. I know I don't always succeed... it just gets really hard when people hurt me even after I feel like I work so hard to be a good person. Couldn't I get something back? I mean I love helping people. I love being there for my friends. I love listening to them and letting them talk out their problems. I feel like I'm doing them some good... ...But what about me? Does anybody want to do me some good? Or am I just completely worthless? Does my existence not warrant a little attention? I don't know what I'm saying. This sounds so terribly selfish to me right now. At the same time, I know that if one of my friends wrote this, I would try to empathize... I just don't know if they would do the same for me. Does anyone believe that I'm worthy of that? Or is it just me? Am I deluding myself into believing that I make a difference somewhere along the line? Or am I just that girl... you know, that one that works at barnes & noble, that's friends w/ jessi/angie/who the fuck ever... Am I me by myself? Or am I defined by my friends to other people? I probably don't even register on the radar screen. I want to disappear. I want to feel my life seeping out of me slowly. I want to die a horrible death; slow and maddening and repulsive. I want to be obliterated. 020603 ... flesh coloured nothing you and me both. 020603 ... angie You are a special person who is ALWAYS caring and compassionate and worthly of love whether you believe it or not. You are observant and intelligent beyond books. You are really the only person I know I can TOTALLY trust because you are so strong. You never compromise what you think is right just to please others. You mean so much to me. I hope you know that...because whenever I make you upset it really hurts me as much as it hurts you. I really do love you and I often wonder why someone who is such a good person and caring and thoughtful would actually want to be friends with someone who is so shallow as me. I thank the Supreme Being for you often. I know that you will bring wonderful ideas, things, and people into this world. You will make a difference; everyone does. If anyone doens't appreciate YOU for who you are...and just looks at you as the friend of whoever...they are NOT worthy of your love and attention. I hope I have said things that have made you feel better. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Thank YOU for being YOU even more so than my friend. This is from the bottom of my heart. You mean that much to me. 020603 ... blue star I don't really know what to say to that except thank you. So, thank you. I hope you know that I love you, and no matter what happens I always will. 020605 ... angie Thank You Megan, It means a lot to know that no matter what happens you will always be there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 020624 ... blue star I miss blather. 040130 what's it to you? who go blather from