parents mon uow i shouldn't write about 050322 ... mon uow my aplogy to vthem if they ever read this 050322 ... nr whenever i see them for a longer period of time, it usually just degenerates to them nagging me and making me feel like a little kid. we really only have superficial relationships; if that with my dad (he checks in about things like my apartment, my job, and my car, but that's about it). it's hard sometimes to feel pressured to spend long periods of time with people who don't really get you. i do know other people have worse parents than me, though. 161229 ... tender_square “it’s fine that i’m waiting for the plumber, it’s fine that i had to pack the groceries. but maybe we could trade-off on the food packing for each trip.” “trade off? when i’ve been handling it this whole time and asked you to take some of it on?” “you haven’t had to do it that often, it’s only been over six months and because of covid.” “i have packed food for every single trip we have taken: houston, new buffalo, and all the times we have come up here. and i’ve done that in addition to packing my own stuff. the division of labor between us is not equal. and me asking you to do that isn’t even making it equal, it’s asking to you to take on more of the load.” “i feel like you don’t appreciate what i do, and that everything is doing rather than being, everything is organized around your schedule. i feel like i’m a bit player in all this.” “how so?” “you said you were going to take on the work for this house and then you ask me to take care of the plumber when you already said that you would be the one who would be responsible for it. you said you would take on the work for this house. last night, you invited your sister over here without consulting with me, and told your mom we would be up in march on a specific date without us discussing it first.” “i asked if i could continue with my writing practice today, as planned. i shouldn’t have to ask you if my sister can come over for dinner or whether we can help out my mom when she requests it because *those are the reasons that we bought this house,* to be with family.” “‘i shouldn’t have to ask you?’ you make me feel like my role is to support you in whatever it is you want to happen! i have made sacrifices for you.” “sacrifices? are you talking about grad school? are you talking about getting the house here? you agreed to these things, you said that you wanted these things—” “and i did!” “i appreciate everything that you do, i express that appreciation to you constantly.” “yes, but it’s all about practicalities.” “how would you like it to be different then?” “include me in the decision making! step back from the doing and *be* with me.” “why can’t i invite my sister to come over for dinner? why can’t i tell my mom that we will be here when she needs support for my dad in march and we already planned to come down? why do we need to discuss those things in advance when they align with the values we established for coming here? when you say we need to talk about it first, when i feel that i already run everything by you, it makes me feel like you’re my father and i’m having to ask your permission.” “yeah, well, when you tell me where i need to be and what i need to do you make me feel like you’re my mother.” 220131 what's it to you? who go blather from