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Bizzar
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suffocating silence.
even the sound of my pounding heart shatters against the vacuum. lost in the void. vacant.
total sensory deprivation.
with the exception of the deep ache. it feels almost numb, but the familiarity of it brings the pain. i’m used to it, but somehow every time it fills my lungs i’m still surprised to feel it.
it’s in these moments where i understand why people cut. because even pain is something. it means i’m still capable of feeling. that the numb is finite. has limits.
for fuck’s sake i can’t even numb right.
darkness has weight. it’s heavy and rancid. and i feel like i can taste all my progress rotting in my mouth. creeping into the interstitial spaces. spreading like a cancer through all my cells. like my feet are made of stone, sinking into the ground around me.
I’m stuck here. i’ll always be stuck here. always return here. every time i think i’ve found a way out i’m met with another wall. another pit. more empty
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