the_empty Bizzar trying to breathe with no oxygen endless winter void of sound like any noise is being sucked into a vacuum but your own screams echo off of your ribs one last finger above the surface too numb to feel the cold the pain worthless useless burden wretch... 220304 ... Bizzar suffocating silence. even the sound of my pounding heart shatters against the vacuum. lost in the void. vacant. total sensory deprivation. with the exception of the deep ache. it feels almost numb, but the familiarity of it brings the pain. i’m used to it, but somehow every time it fills my lungs i’m still surprised to feel it. it’s in these moments where i understand why people cut. because even pain is something. it means i’m still capable of feeling. that the numb is finite. has limits. for fuck’s sake i can’t even numb right. darkness has weight. it’s heavy and rancid. and i feel like i can taste all my progress rotting in my mouth. creeping into the interstitial spaces. spreading like a cancer through all my cells. like my feet are made of stone, sinking into the ground around me. I’m stuck here. i’ll always be stuck here. always return here. every time i think i’ve found a way out i’m met with another wall. another pit. more empty 220821 ... Bizzar sitting just beneath the surface beneath the mask of a girl who is ok there is a darkness. it's a place where my emotions come to die. a place where i know that nothing good can stay. it's cold it's numb it's endless vacant. there is no silence because even sound is sucked into the vacuum except for the lies being whispered in my ears. i know this place well. it's where i live. it's what exists behind my eyes when the pretending is stripped away i've been alone here as long as i can remember. and as used to it as i am it still chills me it still comes with fear i still fight against it. and i would never ask tou to join me here. i would never wish that on anyone. but i don't have to. because you have been here all along. now that i have seen your kind eyes peering at me through the void i'm not alone anymore. and the empty feels less heavy smaller warmer even just a little. and i am tired of fighting it. i'm tried of failing when i do. i have no fight left in me and now that you're here with me. i'm not alone. 221207 what's it to you? who go blather from