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epitome of incomprehensibility
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Chronic would be too strong. I mean recurring, but not completely unpredictable, and not all the time: when things are different, when I feel on edge.
The silver lining is catching up on reading, as long as tiredness headaches don't press on my forehead too badly.
But ugh. I thought sleeping_alone in a building wasn't a problem anymore. This time was slightly different: my parents were away overnight, although my brother stayed to work on some editing, so he was sleeping in his room downstairs. And I was worried about Things To Do even though I have a bit of a lull - worried about catching up on stuff I neglected before. Or "ketching" up as David might say (I'm one to talk; I pronounce ketchup "catch up" - opposites attract because opposites are closer than orthogonal things. And just because I just learned the word "orthogonal" doesn't mean other people don't know it).
But anyway. Feet cold, heart pounding just a little too loud, afraid of sleeping, afraid of not sleeping. After a dim semi-doze I rouse myself, remembering a precedent that getting up and doing something might put my mind in a more sleep-conducive rhythm. Ebb and flow.
Though not always. Sometimes it's best to just stay in bed. I can't always tell which case is which.
But I had to pee anyway. Then it was sitting in bed and reading poetry: the first half of Mayflies - by a certain sensitive quadrilateral here! - and a bit of Not in Vain You've Sent Me Light by Cora Siré. Then newspaper comics, then lights off, then a mind winding from "how does one sleep anyway, sleeping is weird" to "hey, I was thinking unprompted images, that's probably dreaming."
My first long dream concerned syntax trees, and I woke up convinced that the reason I hadn't fallen asleep earlier was because I was thinking about adjectives bound to noun phrases, and one could only fall asleep thinking about words that were the heads of their respective phrases.
Funnily enough, one of my get-to-sleep techniques is listing an adjective and an animal starting with the same letter and then going through the alphabet, or trying to. (If I get distracted, it's actually a good thing, showing a willing-to-sleep brain, but it helps to first set a pattern to deviate from.)
But it was only eight and I'd fallen asleep around five, so I set my alarm for ten and fell back into dreams. Then the morning was a rush to shower and eat and leave for my noon tutoring class.
Anyway I am thankful, more thankful than I sound.
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