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epitome of incomprehensibility
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On the principle of Value Village but with a grander name, it's a secondhand store chain where clothes and other objects are arranged in a highly organized way. I'm not highly organized, but I like objects to be, so the layout is pleasing.
Whoever prices things seems to have a good eye for their condition, their utility. A plain dark bag, five dollars. Oh, nice, I think, moving to a multi-pocketed laptop bag in better condition. Price? Twelve seventy-five.
I'm in Verdun. I'm not actually looking for a bag but an appliance to hang bracelets on for an upcoming craft show. I found something at another branch of the same store: it's a rotating stand with two rows of eight prongs each. Google Lens suggests these are meant to hold spice jars or maybe Keurig coffee pods in their negative space. I use the prongs positively, one bracelet on each.
The basement of this store has kitchen-type things. Good. I pass water bottles. I need a new one, but all of a sudden I don't like the idea of using one that someone else did first. David feels that way about wearing used clothes and I don't. But I don't want to think about him because I'll be miserable. Will I be miserable? It's not that anything's definite yet, but he told me on Friday he's unsure of continuing the relationship since he'll be far away for so long. I didn't tell blather this, but he got a post in England for four years.
Other things rankle: him writing that he was unsure, even if we did live together, that things would work out. Citing my inexperience in some practical things, my relative lack of independence. That was why my first reaction was anger. When I calmed down enough to write back, I pushed back on some of the claims, but I was more sad than angry. Still wanting to know: why did you say things were fine right before you left? (He didn't have those thoughts until he had some time alone, he said, away from busy-ness after the move and the September conference and before the start of the European semester in October.) Why talk about might-have-beens instead of what to do now? (Because he isn't sure what to do now.)
Another thought came to mind later, and I said it on Sunday when we talked on Whereby: I was always willing to take care of you if your condition causes physical disabilities, but you won't do the same with my ADHD-related problems? which aren't physically debilitating, granted, and I'm not trying to make it an excuse for past freak-outs or irrationalities, but it CAN make me worse at time and emotion regulation and that's something I'll have to deal with, and you're not willing to help...? And then I'm crying and I don't want to, and afterwards I wonder if I was being quite fair either, giving myself credit for just an intention of future support.
No one's fair and everyone's flawed.
But for this to come up when I was already feeling insecure about my job and education plans but pretty secure about my relationship - sad that the person I love is far away, but feeling secure...until Friday - I don't know. I'm not happy. At least I was going around doing things today, not being a blob of laziness like on Monday and Tuesday.
Conclusion. What I need is a rebirth, and what I buy for $5.25 is a metal wire stand with two basket-like tiers: a smaller one near the top and a bigger one near the bottom. It doesn't rotate.
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