proving_people_awful amy adaptability outside of family, i have real-time opportunities to react. If i didn't do it, i lost my chance and sometimes i do obsess about my own reaction, or lack of it. I don't prove people awful- it's just actions that can seem awful to me. I just don't have people classified as perfectly awful. It's just too easy to see the good and blame myself. Usually i can't even figure out if i should be alive in the first place. If i am there's pretty much nothing i can or should take any credit. I'll find reasons to be ashamed of just about anything, mostly because i'm never sure enough. Sheer doubt, a jubilee. And there's something narcissistic about i can never let it drop into something that implies nothing about the worth of me, the very fact of birth and all etceras. The parents have their darkside plutos where my sun is so there's not much hope to heal this thing here. But i'm safer. See, that proving people awful thing i've already forgotten- back onto myself, again, so yeah. that's that dependable nature. It's not worth, like, tons, trust me on this, my future. (i always like to end w a rhyme now) 130313 ... epitome of incomprehensibility It's hard to prove or unprove. People tend to be awful in spurts, here and there. It'd be difficult to be consistently awful; even I couldn't do it. 130416 ... gabbie we spoke about this just this morning there are awful people out there with ruination of others a habit or perhaps a hobby i want to believe that 'man is basically good' and try to see light in all of human kind but there are some with darkness shrouding their very beingness they hate and they scare the shit out of me 130416 ... unhinged that doesn't mean there isn't a seed of goodness inside of him. given time, any man can and will show a glimmer of goodness. you just have to be in the right place at the right time. saying that there is untamable evil in the world is what gives the terrorists their power; the terrorists think they are just doing something that will get them to heaven the concepts of evil and heaven are flawed 130416 ... unhinged (one of the high shambhala teachers i've studied with spent years in a federal prison for a drug conviction. he gave a very terse talk about bodhichitta that has stuck with me. he sat in front of the crowded room and said 'when i was in prison i decided to test the buddha's theory on bodhichitta and even the biggest asshole eventually did something good, something sane. it took some of them a long time,' wry smile 'but every last one of them did show at least a little seed of goodness' it's just that sometimes i run across people so vile i don't want to stick around for the time it takes to see that glimpse. there's a whole wide world between us. we don't have to be stuck in prison) 130416 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Unfortunately, it works the other way too - stick around and someone will do something awful. (Cup half empty today, eh e_o_i?) 130417 ... unhinged yeah. human beings do awful things along with the good. that doesn't mean that people don't have fundamental goodness inside of them. awful things are usually done from a selfish motivation. or a short_sighted motivation to make themselves feel better. and the karma of those awful selfish actions does come back. on_the_other_hand when we choose to do good, it becomes easier and easier to continue to choose to do good. it's the landscape of the human brain; the choices we make tend to reinforce more of the same. 130418 what's it to you? who go blather from