out_of_control cr0wl i woke abruptly from the nightmare of driving fast and unable to see. fuck that dream. made me wonder why i didn't crash. 081107 ... epitome of incomprehensibility This, as a title, brings me back to about age 15, in the YA section of Pointe-Claire or Dorval library. I pull out a book with a picture of an agitated messy-haired girl on the cover. I'm thinking it's going to be relatable, that it's about a girl who loses her temper too much and to destructive effect. Instead it's about a girl who's sexually harassed by some boys who think they can get away with it because she's unpopular. Interestingly, it switches between her point of view and that of one of the boys, who seems callous and, bluntly, rather stupid at first, but then comes to change some of his views. He ends up being the more interesting character (in my unreliable-narrator view). Norma Fox Mazer wrote it. ...and now she's dead; Wikipedia says so - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norma_Fox_Mazer - not that I'm overly affected, but it reminds me of the idea I had as a kid to write to another author, Madeleine L'Engle, but before I got around to it she died. As for the phrase itself, it's been a while since I've been either really angry or really frightened. The last time I had a panic attack, waking up at night, I stayed still and breathed slowly, even while my freaking-out mind wasn't sure it would work, that something was seriously wrong with me. Six seconds breathing in and six seconds breathing out seemed really slow at first, especially since my heart was beating so fast, but I kept at it and slowed the breaths to seven in, seven out. After a minute or so I realized my heartbeat was slower and I wasn't so scared anymore. Sometimes it's best to try the simple solutions first. Panic isn't that complicated; it's ordinary worry that's complicated, and physical solutions such as exercise only go so far - it helps best to talk to other people. Sure, they might find me unreasonable, but they're probably unreasonable about things I'm reasonable about, so on a good day we'll be able to find better perspective together. As for anger, I haven't figured that out very well - what makes people angry and what stops them from being so. It's different with different people. Even different within the same person. 140929 ... flux (youtube) end_: loosing control (which is apparently a basscadetrmx) 140930 ... e_o_i Blather isn't letting me see anything I wrote on this. Weird. You are out_of_control, blather! 140930 ... e_o_i There we go. And a music suggestion too. All's well that ends in water. 140930 ... flux that's probably due to the apostrophe/underscore naming catastrophe that's been know but unfixed for ... 15 years or more now 200731 ... epitome of incomprehensibility When my anxiety became more of a problem for others than my anger, I started getting worried. 200810 ... epitome of incomprehensibility radish - a singularity (https://www.lulu.com/shop/czandra-/radish-a-singularity/paperback/product-1dmeppew.html) the pet radish, shrunken (https://bookhugpress.ca/shop/books/the-pet-radish-shrunken-by-pearl-pirie/) I've read both and I recommend them. It's kind of a coincidence that I came across them in close succession and they both involve radishes (the second one not as much, but the veggie still pops up a couple of times). Also this video, not a poem, but delightfully bizarre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic_iClOg34A 200815 ... e_o_i Okay, that was supposed to be a blathe about surreal radish poetry. I forgot to change the title. It's a sign. I'll put the same thing on blue_blather. 200815 what's it to you? who go blather from