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my_relentless_heartbeat
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endless desire
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won't give me the peace i so desire
and given in.
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031013
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... |
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lotuseater
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ive got heart murmurs. worse than anyone i know. extra off beats
something is terribly off here. i need something, i need to do something. but what, i fear i shall never know.
do i need to hang out with my mom more?
do i need to smoke less weed?
should i lose the hippy look? (doubtful)
give it all up. no.
i hear in colors. fuck man, im losing it.
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040423
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... |
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tessa
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synaesthesia
in a hyper-integrated world
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040423
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... |
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nom
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my heart goes weird sometimes too
when i'm stressed, sleepless, foodless
feels like i'm jumping up in a down elevator
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040423
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... |
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orthostatic intolerance
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postural tachycardia
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040719
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... |
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newme
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sometimes if i stand up too quickly,
everything goes white and spinny
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040719
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... |
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uow
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dysautonomia
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040929
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... |
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uow
|
pots
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040929
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... |
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uow
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oftimes i can count my heart rate increasing from 80something bpm sitting to 140 or more bpm immediately after standing up. it sucks.
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040929
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... |
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anomalous
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for years i didn't know anything about pots, other than what i was directly experiencing
i'd seen my specialist's reports but didn't know what it was exactly
i remembering thinking "postural orthosta-what?"
i kept thinking i had a vitamin deficiency or something, when i'd stand up and everything would go white and my heart would start racing
but i was eating properly, and taking my vitamins, so it didn't make sense
i noticed the purpliness in my legs, and how it all got worse in a hot shower. i found going to the hot springs too difficult. i had found myself needing to do things like urgently sitting down in the middle of stores when shopping....
i'd developed compensation/treatment techniques (putting my feet up when sitting, leaning, shifting, drinking more water, eating more salt, etc.), and that all seemed to help,...so i started realizing it was definitely something wrong with my blood pressure,...
and now when i read about it, since i started reading about it last year, it makes more sense than it ever did before
i just wish it'd go away,...sometimes i think it has, and then, if i don't drink enough water, eat enough salty stuff, and i stand up too quickly, or stand for too long, i am reminded
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050502
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... |
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anomalous
|
mostly it's not so bad now
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050502
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... |
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once again
|
When I'm asleep and alive and happie and violent... and it fills up my laughter and the pounding of my footsteps. And there under that pile of blankets and in front of that television and underneath the heavy press of your body and between moments and behind the wheel and it goes on and onward and... forever.
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050502
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... |
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crOwl
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sometimes it totally freaks me out when i lay in bed listening to it, imagining it. how does it just keep going even when i sleep?
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051228
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... |
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crOwl
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and what made it begin? what will make it end?
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070207
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what's it to you?
who
go
|
blather
from
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