memories_of_sex Bespeckled 1st time It was exciting; I was too caught up in the anticipation of the thing that I had no time to be afraid or bite my lip or hesitate. It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to (I don't think there was a limit to that expectation, after all), but it would have gone smoother if I'd have known how to respond. Physically, that is, inwardly. The bed was white and soft and the perfect surface for such an occasion, I was happy to note. We were new at this, and had no rhythm, no rhyme, no tricks, but we had a blast because we were so exhilerated to be sharing something new and personal. We weren't that tired afterward, we weren't famished or drained. We were thrilled and a bit scared, but very, very close. 2nd time A bit hard to remember the second time and on, isn't it? To assign particular moments to particular chronologies. That one time We played Norah Jones off your iMac, partly to keep your roommate next door from hearing us and partly to lay a beautiful soundtrack. It was really beautiful. Your kind and caring face, our fingers entwined, the first beads of sweat forming between our bellies. It really was a perfect few moments. The last time Timidity is lost, hesitation is replaced by indecision - is it too many times in one week, in one month, will I get pregnant, is it risky - the search for beautiful and perfect moments replaced by the search for adventurous and inventive ones. We knew our bodies too well to fool ourselves with trying to hide anything. We were really in love, not all over again, but still, enduring, never waning since the first time. It had only grown stronger along with our knowledge of each others' bodies, and the secret little silent codes we had discovered to unlock them. 040706 ... Bespeckled ?th time It has been almost 4 months, but we are still new to each other, in and out of bed. We care so deeply for each other, we say I love you to each other. Sex is so very different now with you. We are waiting to unlock each other for real. 050114 ... Mister Brightside ?-?-? th time depraved August evening, further back in time than i care to admit. heat and appetite sweat, saliva, and a small quantity of my own blood among other things but since then, nothing. 050118 ... unhinged noisy; making roommates laugh, and neighbors get up and leave, the sound of a starting car at 5am. i can't help it. it's better for me if i can be noisy. *shrugs* 5 bowls, 1 split darvaset, and 4 hours later and i could not wipe the smile off my face. i could barely walk for days after that at the thought of it. i kept looking for him in my dreams. things between me and him in bed are complicated now that we are friends. the sex was better when we hated each other, or at least when i hated him. he can't get me off anymore and i think it puzzles and frustrates him. we both wish it was as easy as the night that i couldn't stop shuddering. 050118 what's it to you? who go blather from