its_all_in_the_family guitar_freak drunk crash dead He was a dreamer, always trying to surpass expectations. He wanted a skate park he wanted a youth center he wanted a family he wanted happiness he wanted to help the world through music. Gone He had a problem achieving, things always held him back. Addiction Slowly his dreams shrank his aspirations lowered and he gave in the constant failure. His friends Ellan called me sobbing with grief. He was an old friend of hers, but he pushed her away. He pushed alot of people away with his paranoid delusions. I knew him, I smoked with him, I drank with him, I sold tickets for one of his many shows. During one of his freak outs he told Andy and I to get the fuck out of his house or he would kill us. Those were the last memorable words he ever said to me. I mostly knew his friends. There is the sober crew that I know the best. They hurt, they were concerned that nobody would be at his funeral because of all the people he pushed away. There are my high school friends, including his girlfriend and her baby boy. He cared for that boy and treated him like his own son. There are the using friends who are still doing the same shit that ultimatly led to his death. Some of us are given the opportunity to be sober, to lead a new life, to change our situation. Others never get that chance through circumstance or death. I know that his dreams were held hostage by his addictions. Thats life. He isn't held hostage anymore. It is a reminder to all us who knew him through the life of death. This is what happens- this is what always happens. It isn't always the same accident or the same gun shot, but the underlying problem is almost always the same. It is a reminder. As my friend said, "I could have been in that car" I am lucky. I couldn't tell you how many times I've been in the same situation that he was and never crashed my car. I'm lucky. I'm grateful. So tonight I felt particularly sad when my friends went for yet another alcohol run to the local grocery store. I offered them a ride, I begged them to let me drive, and they turned me down. I insist and they turn me down. I walk away with a silent prayer that they don't get hurt. It is difficult to sit back and watch others make the same mistakes over and over again when you know what the consequences could be. I close my mouth and wait. I cannot be a critic of those who may someday need my help. I just hope that day comes before they wind up as a memory. 040501 ... crOwl excellent message. 040502 ... lotuseater thanks dad, the police are watching the house. don't do this to mom. you fucker. 040502 what's it to you? who go blather from