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epitome of incomprehensibility
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I embarrassed myself at I_joined_a_band_of_musical_pirates practice last Friday, after a member of the chorus, who's also on the committee, asked me this, with less rhyme,
"Kirsten, have you contacts
you can wear?
Glasses look too modern
and they glare."
Also see "contacts" for random poetry.
Anyway, I hadn't known about the no-glasses thing before. Anxiety about having an unexpected thing to do sprung up and mixed itself with money worries. "I'll buy the stupid contacts," my thoughts went, "and then send them an invoice, see how they like that. Anyway, this is work, this practicing; why am I paying THEM? Why aren't they paying ME??"
My reasonable thoughts said, "Chill, it's a volunteer thing, same deal as Dorval Artisans and etc. You volunteered. But maybe they WILL pay for the cost of contacts if you ask nicely."
My shadowy thoughts, only half acknowledged, of emotional manipulation: "Maybe, but I need to show my anxiety first or else a request like that will just seem overconfident and entitled."
My reasonable thoughts: "Shh. Don't think about this now. Ask the stage director afterwards whether you need contacts and go from there."
So I asked Coralie the stage director about it at practice's end. She said, "Oh yes, if you can."
Nod, nod. And then my temper flares. I stare with narrowed eyes. "That's fine. I'll send an invoice." Stomp off.
...The silliest part? I don't think she understood my meaning, if she even heard me properly. She just said, "Wait, Kirsten, why do you look upset? What's wrong?"
And then I get all apologetic and say, avoiding her eyes, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten annoyed! I was just not expecting this, because it isn't in my budget. Even the mascara...I never wear mascara..." (another thing the committee asked people to buy; much cheaper, sure, but I'm trying not to get too many throwaway things like that, esp. if I won't even use them up).
Then the stage director talked in sort of a motherly way. Kindly, but the tone inadvertently showed how much of a baby I was being; I'm maybe five years her junior, she shouldn't NEED to mother_me (I conveniently grab a blathe). Along with the costume director, who IS old enough to be my mother, they said it was okay, they could pay me back for the contacts and put it in the costume budget.
(They said the same for the mascara. But I'm not going to ask them to reimburse a tiny thing like that. Fucking ADHD impulsivity and free-association but that's no excuse...grrr I could have acted like a fucking adult. Swearing and eschewing commas - bad girl! Not really bad. But the bad thing was getting angry and anxious totally unnecessarily. Guess which two things I've SPECIFICALLY had therapy for? ...That's right, overuse of a) parentheses and b) capital letters. Insert defiantly grinning face.)
"I'm not that poor," I mumbled. "Not usually. I'm just, I'm only working part time because I'm trying to finish my novel."
At the pub later, Daveen paid for my drink. Said she'd want to read my alleged novel-in-progress because she likes "family comedy-dramas" or however I summed it up. Poor me? I got off easy for being such a goddamned baby.
Gilbert and Sullivan say:
"Poor wandering one,
though thou hast surely strayed..."
Anyway, I got some sample contacts at Costco today. Free! Yay? But I'll have to pay for a box if I want to get enough to use. I don't like that they're daily use ones. I'm trying not to use so many throwaway things. $75 for a box, too, yeesh. I envisioned only $50.
I decided to wear the first samples for the rest of the day to get acclimatized. They don't hurt. My head doesn't hurt either. But my eyes feel watery and if I try to look at things very close up, I physically can't focus. I'm not used to that. The focus in general isn't as sharp as with my glasses. But I think they'll be okay for doing plays in. I'll use my glasses tomorrow, but contacts again on Saturday because of the makeup workshop when we have to practice putting on the dreaded mascara (note to self: BUY THIS TOMORROW). Onward!
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