fuck_it_all_to_hell raze fuck it all to hell. there's no point. you try and you try, and you think it's good, and in the end it doesn't mean shit. none of it. not one fucking bit of it. it's all a waste. never should have tried at all. never should have hoped at all. so fuck it all to hell. 110313 ... lostgirl look for the bright_stars in the darkness...they're_there but they may be a little obscured at the moment. 110314 ... unhinged hope is the other side of fear; hope is as dirty a four letter word as work. but try on the other hand; i have to keep trying. 110314 ... unhinged but i'm only gonna try for those that deserve it and you fucking fucker no longer deserve it 110315 ... lostgirl fuck_it_indeed is on board this ship 110315 ... unhinged explain do i really have to explain to you all the shit you put me through? is it really that immature or unreasonable for me to have a limit of said shit that i can tolerate? what fucking planet do you live on? you have been shitting your junkie_bullshit all over me for 16 months yes i have let it happen yes i didn't set proper limits yes i realize that it probably seems absurd to you that i am picking now of all moments to walk_away but everybody has limits issues bullshit i am tired of feeding into yours at the cost of myself i_am_tired i_am_done fuck_it fuck_it_all_to_hell 110317 ... raze i take my personal "fuck it all to hell" outburst back. i was upset. sometimes when i feel wounded, i see red. then i get all dramatic and embarrass myself, as above. then things are resolved and i think to myself, "why didn't i just sleep on it for a day or two before getting all woe-is-me mopey?" and my self says to me, "i don't know what to tell you, even though i AM you. sorry." and that's my story. i need to look at the bigger picture a bit more sometimes and reach outside of the immediate moment. play with puppets to clear my head, and shit like that. instead of fucking it all to hell, i should work on loving the now. whatever the now is. so here's to doing that. i'm doing it now. it feels pretty good. 110317 ... auburn I am glad you retracted raze. It helped to put back together my picture of you. Phew. Now I'm going to go listen to Chicken Angel Woman with a Triangle. 110319 ... raze i think about this from time to time. the thing i keep coming back to is regret; i regret second-guessing myself. i felt what i felt in the moment. i should have left it that way. no more retracting anything. from now on, i own what i feel, good or bad, right or wrong, without apology. all looking back does is give you a stiff neck anyway. 120417 what's it to you? who go blather from