falling_all_around_me walking slowly home so delicate and blue i swear this will pass too. i just don't see how. i never can. never can, never can. why is the phone ringing? people aren't supposed to care anymore. 021207 ... crOwl leaves from a rainless summer, too weak to give their color. 050918 ... i dont believe it for a second but this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass 060924 ... warmthofrelease "well the universe is shaped exactly like the earth if you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were" Easter_Sunday the resurrection it's easy enough to be a nonbeliever boy it's hard starving though "my boss just quit the job he said he's going out to find blind spots and he'll do it" 'n in a few hours, they say it'll be april_fool's_day sure do hope god has a sense of humor "the third_planet is sure that they're being watched by an eye in the sky that can't be stopped when you get to the promiseland you're gonna shake that eye's hand" I'd laugh to keep from crying if I was everything I guess I am "your heart felt good it was dripping pitch and made of wood" I guess I do I always considered April 1st to be more of a legitimate New Year than January 1st. If I'm a fool for that then so be it. But Spring gives me the false hope that I need to be able to pull myself up from out of this time. And for once I have fewer excuses than I ever have. It's just the economic problems. And the physical health problems. And the void inside me that knows I will never feel like I belong in this species to which I am inevitably and permanently connected. And that subtle perpetual drone of a call to the darkness of sleep. Those are easy, simple, petty problems compared to the state I'm in at the end of most winters. It's not so bad. Nothing's the matter. Of course, the foliage is changing in the other direction in the southern hemisphere. They are preparing for the cold as we thaw from it. As if suffering would imply peace, that healing would imply injury, that all is a sphere and when one part is turned to illuminate another part is darkened in equal proportion. So in that sense it's a matter of perspective, or timing, or that every dog has its day, or that what goes around comes around, or that the universe is shaped...what was it? Nah I'm not. Really. Fine. Every holiday just needles into me like a reminder. That if there is such a thing as a family_man or a people_person or a happy human being, well...I wish them luck. "everything that keeps me together is falling apart I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over" 240331 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I feel a similar way about the New Year. If spring is first, the year should start in spring, only I didn't have April 1 on my list. I ranked New Yearses thus: 1. Nowruz (Persian New Year celebration indexed to the spring equinox) 2. Rosh Hashanah (beginning of fall) 3. Chinese New Year (around February, but in a warm climate it'd get springy then) Also, my ideas are always falling through the cracks, escaping What Gets Done. I tell myself it I were more organized they wouldn't do that, or if I were richer they wouldn't do that...but I'm not sure that's all true. 240408 ... e_o_i I mean to say, I can place April 1 2nd on the New Year tier list. In any case January 1 doesn't get any medals, but I might reconsider if closeness to the winter solstice is a factor. Solstice, equinox. The suns litter the ground. 240408 what's it to you? who go blather from