self_esteem nr perfectionism + being hard on oneself + sensitivity to criticism + a need for external validation = a natural recipe for self_esteem_lowering. you crave connection, but the people you find interesting aren't interested in getting to know you. lack of reciprocity has become the norm. you crave getting out into the world again and having fun and getting exercise. you play a rec team sport, listing yourself as a clear beginner, but there are lots of people playing who are skilled and competitive, and you can't help feeling like they're judging you or not taking you seriously, which makes you feel ashamed. you want to play jazz drums at a jam for the first time in awhile, but you're nervous because while the other players are professional musicians and will be better than you, and that's what makes it fun and helpful, you'll still compare yourself to them and feel shame if it seems like they realize you're not good. you're alone and trying to organize holiday plans that your mom used to, and not knowing what to do or how. you know you can't be perfect, but you were raised to always feel like you needed to meet expectations, and even if you logically know that's impossible, logic doesn't have as much power here as you wish it did. 211122 ... tender_square i read these words and see so much of myself in them, nr. and i'm going to offer you some words in return that i hope help you as much as they've helped me: you are exactly who you need to be in this moment, and you are more than enough as you are. 211123 ... nr so much rejection, so little time for self_worth 211218 ... nr how do you prove your worth? 220202 what's it to you? who go blather from