leena epitome of incomprehensibility She's about my age, she comes from Damascus, and for a month several years ago she was an intern at the tutoring centre. I worked with her for a couple of weeks that summer (2018?) and then took my vacation; boss B. complained she kept chatting and didn't do anything, considering herself above the tasks he set her to do. Let's be real - she probably *was*. And I didn't have anything bad to say about her, so I got into an argument with B. later when I wanted to give her a more positive review than he did. Now, I *did* have a little amused bemusement at what seemed to me like an excess of cliché femininity in her tone when she said "I have delicate skin" - apropos of her sitting in the shade or something. People have delicate skin, I know! But the way she said it was funny to me. So delicate! And she may be delicate, but she isn't weak. She used that same tone earlier with a heavy layer of irony, after retelling how she survived a bomb blowing up in front of her in Syria. Her conclusion: "So my top four teeth are fake, but I still have my beautiful smile." A smile. Steely sweet. The first post-internship time I saw her, she seemed whiny and I could understand why B. found her irritating. But I've talked to her a few times since then, and my conclusion is that she isn't bad, but maybe there's something wrong with her mental health. Maybe it's not fair for me to surmise that, me whose neuro-weirdness doesn't keep me too far away from "normal" conduct...I think. And it's not that I would reject her as a friend for ableist or this-is-too-unfamiliar reasons...I hope. I just don't know what to do when she sends me a vast collection of photos of clothes she wants to sell and somehow thinks I can help her sell them. I mean, it's a reasonable thing to want - she wants money to be able to visit her mother in Syria, etc. But since when do I have experience with selling clothes and accessories, or convincing my friends to buy them?? (She asked if I could tell my friends about the things she has to sell, as if I have oodles of friends ready to buy things at the drop of a hat.) This isn't necessarily a sign, on its own, that someone is out of touch with reality in some way. What's reality? And what's the out-of-touch part - imbuing me with more expertise and social connections than I really have? ...Maybe I seem connected, compared to her. Imagine surviving a devastating war and moving to a new country and being isolated. She's been doing academic research work, etc., but got discouraged at losing a job and is going back to school to get a certificate in administration. This is why she's short on money now, probably. Maybe she had problem with buying too much stuff, at least before? It's one of those compulsive behaviours that ADHD can dispose me to, though mostly I'm stingy_but_generous... like blather's flux, on and off... Anyway, it's no surprise that trauma and isolation would be a shock to anyone's system, even years later. And the immediate problem is what to do without promising too much. Writing things out helps me think. I could see if I could direct her to some thrift stores that sell on consignment. Maybe offer to buy a bunch of things and then do that myself, given her busy-ness? ...but then Dad would say I'm taking too much on. He also thinks my ways are a little out of touch with reality sometimes. I guess I'll have to talk it out with her when I meet her (on Sunday, probably). Talking in person is easier than texting, and I did say I'd buy two of her books. 250925 ... e_o_i Gah, it's generous_but_stingy. My Scottish side was putting the stinginess first :) 250925 ... e_o_i Tomorrow, I'm giving her a bit over 500 dollars for a large collection of clothes (and two books). I figure that will help her declutter, go partway towards a plane ticket. What I'll do with the stuff - keep or sell, but is my closet up to the task? Dad may think I'm daft, but then this isn't the daftest thing I've done, so he's agreed to drive. Be the picker-upper for the pick-me-up I prescribed for a cluttered and overworked or rather underworked but over-studied acquaintance. That made sense. And I'm British now, since I say "daft." 🎵 For she IS an Englishman... 🎵 Not a man, but you get the tectonic drift. The daft drift. The dapper drip. 251008 ... e_o_i Anxiety. That's the mental side of the problem, I think. But I don't think I can help with that, even to convey "Oh, I know what that's like, I have the same thing!" Anxiety seems so varied. Mine manifests very differently, anyway. ... The immediate problem is that I set up a Google Drive folder with the things she wants to sell, but nobody's bought anything yet. I don't think it's any use to put the link here - I don't think anyone who writes here now is in the Montreal area. Anyway, three people I know did things: Charles and Naomi gave me $20 to give to her; Gayatri gave me a bag of clothes, which is not quite like buying someone else's clothes, but it might help in a roundabout way - I'll see if the_fancy_friperie will pay me anything for the summery stuff, in sum. ... But why a fundraiser and moving sale in the first place? Leena needs to repay a student loan and wants to move back to live with her mother in Syria - she worries about her mother's health and isolation. And she herself is lonely - she doesn't have many friends and connections here now. (Would she have more if she hadn't been standoffish and/or mildly annoying in the past? Probably. But this is not a reason for life to punish her as much as it has.) Then again, she shouldn't expect me to find people who will magically buy all the rest of what she has for sale. This just isn't realistic. She hasn't been pestering or harassing me, but the few times we've talked about it since we started planning this more than a month ago, she seems to expect me to be able to do more than I can. Is that so she can blame me when things go wrong? No, not consciously anyway. I don't think she's manipulative like that. That would be black and white thinking, to think people are either Supportive or Toxic. I am not 100% going_around_being_supportive either. She's right that I'm involved in more communities - or however she phrased it: artisans, artists, choir, theatre. But I'm also anxious myself, e.g. about asking favours. I made some posters. I pinned the link on Facebook. I even got Samuel from my parents' church to make an announcement. Granted, there are plenty more people I could share this with but haven't because I'm afraid and/or slow with things. 260531 what's it to you? who go blather from