so_this_is_what_it's_like_being_me fyn gula and so i walk slowly on their path of compacted pine needles to where greta said the fawn lay injured. we approach like indians, whose footfalls are as silent as any noise can be. and we startle it, but not before we put our trembling arms around her tense body. "she's warm," greta says, carrying her to the pick-up truck. it's been two weeks now. the fawn eats out of our hands and no longer limps. we named her "bereit," because she is always ready. i want to always be ready. 020713 ... disappearer a well seeming chaos of misshapen forms 020713 ... starved to be a joke without a punchline i've been telling myself... 020713 ... kerry to walk halls with hollow eyes staring but somehow seeing nothing bite my lips chill my skin bat my lashes hide under the ground again 020827 ... 0of46 am i really that boring? ........................ you weren't suppposed to answer that 020901 ... bespeckled I think - sitting before the mirror, smeared mascara beneath my eyes like the stain on my soul. Oh I've tried to rub it out, tried to cleanse it in regret and sorrow, in hugs and kisses and truth. But white truth won't cleanse black sins. I see myself, and wonder how I can be so cruel, how I'm capable of such great inhumanity. I never saw it in myself - this ... evil. 021215 ... icewater so this is where the shadows underneath my footprints run and hide, where they are, sun and sick yellow street lights evading the peace within the dark in my path home. This is what its like to understand more than sense rendered possible, to listen to someones movements and feel their future rising in their skin and the moment singing within our veins. So this is what its like to hear love again and to strand up staight, to hold your silhouette taut against the moon swimming in sky. This is what its like to live again somewhere that the word home seems adequate. 021215 ... kerry need to take a shower have painted my nails chartruese yet again listening to the promise ring and i'm wiping loneliness out of my eyes i need to go take pictures 021215 ... Teriik Vilification at its finest. thats probly not the best word for the moment, but i cant think of much right now. im getting to that point where there isnt much to look forward too. 16, 18-finally an "adult", 21-finally can do what ive been doing for years, legally. then what? 22 and on, what is there? its the backside of the hill, on a downward roll, ever faster. bye. 021216 ... silentbob having a lot of love and wanting to express that love but it gets misinterpreted by people who see what i look like before they see who i am and what i'm about. i bet you would think my soul was pretty if i had a different face 021216 ... just maybe maybe your soul would be pretty if you had a different face. 021216 ... self esteem lowering See: so_this_is_what_it's_like_being_me 021216 ... is this what you mean? so_this_is_what_its_like_being_me 021217 ... . i guess not 021217 ... SuicidalAngel silentbob you're not alone 021217 ... belly fire Bobby has a very pretty face. 021218 what's it to you? who go blather from