how_to_deal jane with significant loss? they tell me this, they tell me, first there is the denial. oh no, i say. i know. then they tell me, you're beginning to feel the ball of fire - the anger. no, no anger. only love. hah! they scoff, they tell me i must be bargaining, i must be wagering this for that - i sigh & say just helplessness. & then they get to the depression, they tell me what pills would be nice to take, a concocted cocktail of cranial cures. i explain that i know depression, how it haunted me for years, years of feeling nothing. i am sure this is not the numbness i know. well, they say, well there's only one step left, & that's acceptance. do you accept your situation? they ask. but i'm already walking away, because there exists no explanation for how i'm feeling, the sinking inside, the heatrbreak - it's grief, i know. & it's a rollercoaster. but nothing like the exhileration i said it could be. 080229 ... unhinged pills are surely the best way to deal a physical cure for an emotional problem that makes sense i generally curl up in my bed and cry while listening to music that is conducive to crying i.e. sad sappy love songs i have recently made a playlist for such things if you'd like me to send it to you or if you like kids spend time with some little ones like old enough to talk and walk but not old enough to be in school little ones something about the purity and honesty of kids cheers me up even if it's only for a bit (i've been getting good hugs from bridget lately; that's always a plus) 080229 ... jane i would love a playlist 080229 ... unhinged traffic --- ivet narcolepsy --= ben folds five up so close --- cake bankrupt on selling --- modest mouse pitseleh --- elliott smith house of cards --- radiohead hotcha girls --- ugly casanova undo --- bjork twilight --- elliott smith jolene --- ray lamontagne what if --- coldplay friend is a four letter word --- cake lonely lonely --- feist if you knew --- jeff buckley lesson learned --- ray lamontagne dumb --- nirvana soma --- smashing pumpkins alone down there --- modest mouse we sing & we dance --- johnny west morocco --- mil mulliganos alligator --- ivet me, i'm not --- nine ince nails x.y.u. --- smashing pumpkins cochise --- audioslave whenever you breathe out, i breathe in (positive/negative) --- modest mouse all i need --- radiohead 080229 ... unhinged that is still my go_to crylist just last night even 090425 ... crazy holy crap. all this time, i never noticed i was on your playlist. i'm honoured. 090425 ... raze and i even got my name wrong, too. this is what surprise does to me. 090425 what's it to you? who go blather from