dead_love Bespeckled In Love, our final resting place, I could find no sweeter place to die. 040527 ... unhinged a_list_of_you 040528 ... unhinged it still aches a little i still get the urge to call you there is one face i avoid now 040604 ... megan i feel i've made progress in blocking your memory out, that is i have successfully put up barriers around everything that is soft and permeable within me with a wall of cold steel and ruthless strength you cannot hurt me any longer, because nothing can hurt me any more i have grown beyond the mere angst of the teenage years, have moved on to bigger and better things i am thinking about life, and how many possiblities it has! i am actively trying to get published (and only at 17!) i am going out with other boys on dates, not even because i'm attracted to them, but because they fascinate me! i am telling the absolute truth to anyone and everyone, simply because they deserve it as much as i do. and i am happier, as much as that contradicts itself at night sometimes. i do still have the urges to call you just to tell you certain special things that only you would understand, and i do still cry at night when i'm all alone and no one is there to hold me tight. but i realized something vastly important... you weren't there when i thought you were. it wasn't really you that is, it was who i projected you to be. it was my dream, and i forced that title on you and choked you to pieces until you swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. for 2 and 1/2 years you played your part, and now you've gotten out. now it's time for me to become who i was meant to be. a girl who is eternally joyful, naive yes, but happy to simply live. a girl who has been through the pits of hell, and come out on the other side to tell of it. a girl who is fun to be around, a friend to all, and someone who is available to be loved at any point in her life. i am that girl now. love that is dead is not lost, it has simply morphed into something else, perhaps greater. it has morphed into a lesson that teaches me to be myself, fully, alive. and love will return one day soon. it will present itself in a nice pretty package, with a strong heart and quiet eyes, and i will probably fall again. and that's ok. 040604 ... Bespeckled I've never assigned voices to blathes that i've read, but for some reason I heard a distinct voice when reading yours, megan. 040605 ... megan what did the voice sound like Bespeckled? out of curiosity... 040605 ... Bespeckled A light, innocent, feminine one. Naive and young, bound together with hopefullness and optimism that fills young souls. Whispery and a little wistful. 040605 what's it to you? who go blather from