_default blown cherry Defaulting on every moment of happiness I allow myself Dues unpaid, I float at the mercy of my own decrepit soul Wishing this was not the way The way I am The way I have trained myself to be Defaulting on every moment of joy I allow myself Lamenting its fleetingness before it's begun I run back to the dark back to the night back to the old familiar pain Defaulting on every love I have ever known So hard to come by I scratch and scrape and dig my nails into my soft fleshy heart And there it goes past not to be held not by the likes of me Default mode in the state of my mind bereft of happiness, to the left of despair And here I lie still Still waiting to be saved 020428 ... silentbob it's weird to me to see a band named default. because the default of something is just like... what it goes to. Such as when you go to blather.newdream.net/i it just takes you to the word "index" and not that ACTUAL index. its a default. So when they call themselves default it makes me think... "Well this will just be the name we use by default" does anyone know what i mean? 020429 ... lulie Maybe it's more like the failure to do what is required, like when one doesn't make a payment is to "default on a loan". 020429 ... Lime Rider thank you for linking this blown cherry. (I hope) I know what you mean. This all reminds me of a teacher I respect a lot. Once she wrote, and now I understand it better: 'Not saying a lot, however think much more and after a very long while also feeling something about it. Could that be your order?' After reading this I read the rest of the book again, with reactions on me and the days we had on an excursion to a cloister, to discover your mind. As I was reading and looking at this strange white block in the middle of a screen... feeling overwhelmed me. I lost it now: I started typing again. A feeling of utter gladness and happiness at once crying and laughing alternating within milliseconds. Because of this teacher, and my best friend, who reminded me of my world 'Look at the beautiful things and stay mellow and peaceful. Keep laying down on the couch while the world rushes on idiotically. "God's purpose is purposelessness" Nescio' Also a lot of 'what a nice week eh?' comment... but these really struck me. They were translated and more beautiful in native language. I feel I should have started a new word for this as for me it's very profound. Thanks again blown cherry 030115 ... blown cherry :) 030116 what's it to you? who go blather from