the_quiet_is_loud raze i almost tripped over my own feet when i saw a woman reading a book and walking at the same time. i don't know how she did that. she made it look as instinctive as breathing. straight brown hair almost down to her waist. glasses like mine but darker. most people i see in the park have their eyes glued to their phones. maybe twice a year someone will be sitting on a bench staring at a tangible physical thing. but not this. never this. i was able to make out what she was reading. it had a cover like a tarot card from outer space. i know that book, i thought. "the_quiet is loud" by samantha garner. there's a message in my inbox from may of last year telling me about it. small independent canadian publisher. i bought a few things from them once. now i get periodic whispers in the void. "the perfect marriage of literary and speculative fiction." that's what that email told me. i wanted to say something. i mean, what are the chances? but i didn't. i promised myself if i ran into her again i'd open my mouth. i got my chance maybe ten minutes later. "excuse me," i said. "i got an email from invisible publishing about that book. i've been meaning to check it out. how is it?" she looked up at me and smiled. her whole face came alive. "it's really wonderful," she said. "it's her first book. she's from mississauga." i said i'd made a mental note to read it. then i forgot all about it. life got in the way. seeing it in her hands felt a little serendipitous. i thanked her for the reminder. when she was walking away i saw she only had a few pages left to go. 221002 ... Soma Music was my weapon against the noise. Music kept me safe. Music was my quiet. Quiet was the enemy. I have learned that my mind is, essentially, and rather unwillingly, hosting a house party. It's the kind where you really really wish everyone would just go home. They're all talking to you while you're trying to sleep. One is inventorying your entire collection of childhood mistakes. Another is reading your grocery list at max volume. A few are making completely unreasonable demands, and more than a few are doing their best to put up artwork of all the worst moments in your life. And when the music came on.... They'd still whatever they were talking about and listen, or they'd dance. Heck, maybe the sad ones would even smile. I found that music was, for my mind, a bit like keeping a toddler occupied with a phone. The quiet? It was so so loud. This month, for the first time in my life, I find it's nice to lay in bed, even when the insomnia creeps up. It's no longer nerve-wracking to lay down to sleep. The quiet of nighttime is so fascinating. So calm. I can feel what it is to relax. I think the quiet is louder than ever before, because for once, it's truly quiet. And I like that. 221008 what's it to you? who go blather from