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a poem by Megan_Amram Gaud, lea, spry, loaf, spawn, scalp, slake, splay: (Pause for laughter). Thank you all for coming, for surviving those infamous six to ninety-four years of famine, ostensibly living off grape juice (Krane’s “zippy violet pilot of sustenance”), violent riots to claim last cups of java, searing coffee crop-dusting a talc on the tongue. Truly, the first hit of it at the top of the throat makes me believe that I have been drowning, and that, being revived, I am taking the first gasp of breath, the rest of my life, so, thank you. Virgo, I read, today, the first of this spring month, is blessed with achievement, an ability to splay then not splay, to specifically address Pistol Shrimp when nobody’s there, to truly believe that Pistol Shrimp have one claw that they snap with such force that they kill ninety-four nearby fish with a pressure wave. Virgo’s plumb right. It may be cliché, but “two talc- washed pelicans are still not three mules” and I’ve never believed the violent truth of the statement more, never been able to so clearly see the pelican, violent in its burro-lust, the white powder wheeling off in duple, the buildings piercing the first scum of the clouds like fingers. If I could, I would take that winter-white-as-slalom talc onto myself, allow the pelicans to transform in a gaudy ring, phalanges splay- ing. Now, where to begin? (Pause for applause, possible giving of second award entitled “Believe Me, The Youth Will Never Be As Great Or Old As Us!”) (Pause) Fore! (Swing) For ninety-four cents is all I had to my young name, and a calla. Those ninety-four cents became 3,000,002, then forty-one, then a Pangaea-shaped fortune in a violent vault under the land-crust underscoring the absence of Pangaea. Money’s not elusive when you believe it’s not, when you smell it and mark it and know it. Japanese bone-money came first and they loved it like I do, “invented the wheel so as to invent the coin,” wrote: In the full moon, mother and child wait. Then, the bell. Or was it: The snow-covered pine; the silence on either side. No, no, it’s: The sided moon, both mother and silent child, snows and splays. I remember, I bought that haiku in Hokkaido under the sign: “Come, Reads, Eat, Talc,” “talc” a misspelling of “talk,” “read” a misspelling of “buy.” Don’t misunderstand: talc, talk, it’s all the same when you’re in an orchid country and twenty-four and ninety-four lovely girls want to feed you plunked grapes from there, Japan, waiting to Geisha-splay. I’ve worked for what is literally and metaphorically thousands of hours and still, violent is the loss of that first purchase (not a haiku book, but the actual haiku). So. First lifetime achievement awards are perfect for first lifetimes (I believe in many things, including afterlives, reincarnation, carnations, etc.), but, then, I believe in fields of absences. I believe in loss and then return of the thing, or return of the loss. Talc is also something I believe in. I believe in colors with Japan in them. I believe in first meals and last meals and meals that consist of grapes and meals that consist of ninety-four Gods with graces. (Pause to believe) I believe that my generation is the oldest. In violent non-resistance. I believe that Michiko meant it when she whispered “I love you. Now, splay.” The first of ninety-four talc-white nominees, who are honored just to be nominated alongside me and my violent splay of pausing: this award, I believe, means everything to me. Thank you. I used to love “arigato.” I was much younger then.
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