suicide_ideation leif I'm not really sure there's much else to say. I think there's struggle in not really believing there's another way to think. Can we really train our brains to wake up less and less sad? 150918 ... raze i think some people can do that. i wasn't one of them, though. what eventually worked for me was trying to put things and people in my life that gave me better feelings, good feelings, and to give no more time or energy to one-sided relationships and people who made me feel like i wasn't deserving of love or respect. basically, deciding to be a little bit more selfish. after a while i just didn't feel like killing myself so much anymore. it was like the desire to do that burned itself out. not that it's never come back, but i feel better equipped to deal with it now. but i've been lucky, because i've always had music as a place to go when i don't feel like i have anywhere else. if i didn't have that, i wouldn't still be here. i know that. what did winston churchill say? "if you find yourself going through hell, keep going." sometimes i think all you can do is just keep waking up and trying to make that day the best day you can. doesn't mean it'll be a good day, but it might be better than the day that came before. small steps are bigger than you think. and innocuous distractions are never a bad idea when depression and dark thoughts take over. watching a bad movie and laughing at its awfulness, reading a good book, coffee with a friend, choreographed dancing with nimble forest creatures … that sort of thing. you can't force yourself to be happier than your heart will let you be. but you can put yourself in a position to let people who care about you give you some things to smile about, and maybe after a while the darkness will start to dissipate and the heart will breathe a little easier. but it's okay to be sad, too. sometimes distractions don't work, and the only thing to do is hide for a while and feel the totality of whatever you need to feel, for as long as it needs to be felt. that's what i think i've learned, anyway. for whatever it might be worth. 150918 what's it to you? who go blather from