right_or_wrong kerry in the beginning you said you were going to the hydroponics store in eugene, and since i’m trying to start growing would i like to come with? i’d never been alone with you before and i did want to of course i did, so much i wondered if i was doing the right thing over and over–it felt right and also wrong right and wrong when i got into your little tin can car and felt my stomach flip there was a half-finished cup of hibiscus tea in the cup holder and the flaming lips playing on the stereo and we were quiet but not too quiet, coasting down the state highway through fields and farms, the mountains a constant backdrop this was before you sat on the cold floor with me after a seizure and rubbed my back, before i slept on the hard floor beside you (it’s good for your back, you said), this was before i followed you around the farmer’s market where you picked out colorful things you would prepare for us– beet-stained hands the warm homey smell of pumpkin seeds browning in a skillet you cooked for me in your house and later in mine, walked miles beside me, crouched on the pebbled beach and skipped stones by the river, basked in the sun behind the big yellow house where i was living, so briefly right or wrong, right or wrong, i couldn’t answer one evening we closed up the shop and went to hang out at your friend’s house–you were housesitting–and we got antsy, decided to go walk it off on the trails. the fog descended while we were out, so thick i couldn’t even see the cemetery as we passed by, couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, knew you were beside me but could only hear your voice, your breath it felt like more than fog we were trapped in there was a dot of light in the gray--a man was walking his dog and carrying a flashlight, and we didn’t even see him until he was right there, a couple feet away when he was gone we started laughing– i’m blind! do you know where we are? does it matter? it’s cold, it’s cold you reminded me that you give excellent hugs and i wondered again, right or wrong? i’d told you so many things at that point. i didn’t know what we were. come here, you said, and i moved where i thought you were, and you were there, and you wrapped your arms around me and i put my face on your shoulder and we just stood there, together, warm, right there. 220126 ... unhinged we_were_wolves the wolves in this part of the world were all hunted and killed because of their predatory nature. then the true value of apex predators was revealed to the scientific community. 220127 what's it to you? who go blather from