people_pleaser tender_square "i'm pulling away more socially," erin said. "because i realize just how much of a people-pleaser i am, and it's like i don't know how to shut that off unless i'm alone." as the words left her mouth, a chime struck within me, echoing through my ribcage, that this may also be why i need more time to myself than i used to. why do i spend so much time trying to please others? why do i beat around the bush concerning what i want and feel? "i have a problem with confrontation," erin said. and i nodded alongside her. "yet, i want people to be direct with me." "you know that saying, 'treat people how you want to be treated,'" i said. "i think if directness is something you value, as uncomfortable as it is for us, we have to learn how to offer that to other people if it's what we're seeking in return." 221014 ... nr the cause of my worst anxiety, worry, and sleeplessness is the fear of letting people down. there are roots in trauma and being hard on oneself and learning of the importance of meeting others' expectations. it's hard to un-train your brain on what's important and what should be shoved away. 221014 ... tender_square people-pleasing is the dark side of being so agreeable. i am in the midst of a very serious scenario because of this quality. i keep playing over and over in my head the things i wish i would've done and things i wish i would've said: - that instead of saying yes to a tenant interview, on a day i had an important job interview, on a day i had to later leave to cross the border, that i should've said, "i don't want to do that right now." - that when faced with two people eager to get a deal to close, the tenant and my realtor, after the application had only been received in less than 24 hours, i should've said, "i will get back to you." - that when it was said that the tenant wanted an april 1st start date, when i knew i would be out of town during that period, when i knew that i myself was moving my own belongings by mid-april, i should've said, "that start date doesn't work for me," or "i don't want to begin this landlord and tenant relationship until my own move is complete." - that before the scheduled in-person interview with my tenant, i should've spoken to my realtor and said, "i don't want to make a decision about this rental on the spot." because i'm afraid of making other people uncomfortable, because i don't enter into situations either being fully aware of my limits and or secure enough to defend my own values, because i go with the flow, because i am afraid to ask direct questions and to have difficult conversations out of politeness, i am here. i have a mentally ill and drug-addicted tenant living above me who has already shown me who they are and is now working overtime to change that impression after choices they made to damage the relationship. and i'm fucking terrified that i can't get out of this lease. 230408 what's it to you? who go blather from