seventeen spoons what i turned yesterday...better than last year i suppose... 011001 ... silentbob email me pansy 011001 ... spooky fish has issues too many chromosomes jesus christ lizard of oz walking on water on the brain damaged goods 011002 ... tender_square i was five years too early for the editor’s intended audience but it was no matter; i saw myself in every anonymous mortifying moment about leaky periods and accidental farting, in each sweet letter asking for advice with decoding boys and their behavior, in all coordinated outfits of floral skater dresses, tights and teddy-bear backpacks. in the classified section i was drawn to an ad for a book on how to flirt. for $15.99 usd i was certain that text was a holy grail of knowledge i needed to be knowable. i must’ve checked riverside library religiously for months, praying a copy would suddenly grace its shelves. and when my friends paired off and whispered about what it was like to swap spit, the need to possess this mystery text became all the more urgent. and so i wrote a heartfelt letter to the publishers in my bubbly print, telling them how badly i needed their book but didn’t have american money to pay for it, and that if they couldn’t accept my $15 cad equivalent sent in a series of blue bills, could they please return the funds because it was a lot of money from my paper route to part with? 211118 ... raze sent the letter that dissolved what was left of a family i never really had, got a home computer for the first time, found blather, spent two weeks in italy, finished high_school, insomnia, humidity, my first pair of prescription glasses, and all of it was only the setup for eighteen, when everything came together before falling apart. 211118 ... kerry i’d recently drifted away from blather, too preoccupied with my boyfriend, though i still sat at my enormous desktop computer and wrote into the night. worked at the card shop, filling helium balloons and weighing bulk jellybeans (hitting the helium tank like a pipe and eating candy when no one was there) and became a gift-wrapping pro. i read nabokov and tabloids. finally didn’t need to rely on vail or jackie for rides because i had my own car, a white 1994 nissan sentra hatchback, stick shift, with a spoiler, blur and rhino records stickers on the back bumper. i miss that car. 211118 what's it to you? who go blather from