unsolicited_advice tender_square "so, how are things between the two of you?" her mother sat beside her daughter at the kitchen island after she gushed about the weekend she returned from. "it's weird," the daughter began. "we're getting along and things seem good between us. but i can't tell if it's improved because he's gotten easier to be around, or if some of the pressure has been alleviated because i've been honest about what i want." "i'm sure it's both." the daughter began to cry. "it's hard, though, because it makes me feel like the last three years didn't happen. it makes me feel like i shouldn't want this — the separation." "i think you're right to be cautious," her mother said. "only time will tell if he will change, and not enough of it has passed." the daughter nodded, grateful to be supported for her choices. she wasn't asking for that but, deep down, the approval was what she needed. "he keeps saying that he wants to be my refuge from all this." she weakly waved her arms around. "and it sure sounds nice, but it isn't realistic." "that's the way it was before, the two of you off on your own, with this fortress keeping everyone else out." "yeah." the daughter stared into her coffee, at the white swirls of milk that materialized on the surface. "but i'll say one thing," her mother cautioned. "don't come back here for your family." "okay?" the daughter stretched out each vowel in bafflement. "i've got it under control." the mother's face hardened. "there's nothing you can do." her mother delivered this directive after her daughter had, in fact, done something, spending the weekend caring for their puppy and looking after her father. the daughter became defensive, incredulous. "i know there's nothing i can do, but i can *be* here, can't i?" "what good will that accomplish?" "i want to be close by in case you need anything. you said you had those projects you could use a hand with." "honey, don't change your whole life for that. i'm handling it and i've got other people to support me." (who did she have, the daughter wanted to scoff, her disastrous sisters?) "if this is about wanting to spend time with your father, then do that." "i mean, yes, that is important to me." she was struggling to speak coherently, stunned by the ambush. "this is only going in one direction, and sooner or later, i *will* have to be here. so i either do it now, or i do it when a crisis has taken place. and i'd rather be in the position to do it now." the daughter gathered up her belongings, said goodbye to her sleeping father, and left quickly. she tried to make sense of her mother's words as she drove across the border, back to where her life was. 221013 what's it to you? who go blather from