box_of_fire_1_can_i_get_a_witness raze people should wear signs. pithy descriptions of who and what they are. what they mean to do to you. how much they're prepared to give. how much they're willing to take. but that would make it too easy. that would eliminate the blind fumbling, and minimize the damage we do to each other. whoever's in charge here, they don't want us getting too wise. a little knowledge leads to larger questions that have no satisfying answers. and we can't have an army of just-liberated puppets suiting up for battle with forces they can't even begin to comprehend. here's what i know: all of us found ourselves in this place because we were running from something, or we thought we could find that elusive thing to fill the void inside of us. but this isn't the place you go to find anything. this is the place you go to get lost. and by the time you've rubbed enough brain cells together to figure that out, it's too late to do anything about it. by then, you've forgotten all but fragments of who you used to be, and all your worst fears have grown up around you. you get to be the proud parent of all the worst parts of yourself. just wait 'til they start teething. that's when the real fun begins. it's like waking up in the middle of someone else's heroin-caked nightmare. all cold sweat and a sick tingling feeling that runs down your spine. everything is too loud. everything is too quiet. all your senses and emotions are amplified past any reasonable point. and it's always raining. you get used to that after a while. some even fool themselves into thinking they're living a normal life. they accept the way things are and let the last flickers of their old lives fade into nothing. let me tell you something. the greatest actors working today are men and women you'll never see on the big or small screen. they're the people you've shared small pieces of yourself with. what distinguishes their greatest performances from the lesser ones is simple, really; when they're on, you have no idea they're acting. they disappear into the character they're playing. the transformation is seamless. when they're off their game, you can see the cracks in their makeup, if the light hits them just right. but man, when they're *on*, they can convince you of anything. and you'll want to believe. this is where they all live. every last one of them. i don't swim in any of that shit. i'm a witness. i'm here to keep a record of what's gone on. i keep to the shadows and corners. i'm good at slipping in and out of places without being noticed. maybe i was a thief before i came here. i don't remember. if you see me when i'm at work, you ignore me. you act like i'm not even there. it's an unspoken rule. i serve a necessary function. nothing more, nothing less. a cog in the machine. the problem with being a witness is, you don't get to intervene. that's not part of the job. and if you've got something that passes for a soul still rattling around inside you, that can weigh on you pretty heavy. when things take a bad turn, you're forced to watch. your job is to remember every little detail. and then you get to carry them all with you for the rest of your days, neatly tucked away in that steel trap mind they've given you. people should wear signs. at least that way, i'd know when to ask to be reassigned. some jobs you end up wishing you never had. 121220 ... next — box_of_fire_2_first_moves 121221 what's it to you? who go blather from