what_you_don't_know_about_me n o m you don't know about me 130315 ... gabbie is that i do not have it in me to hurt someone with intention. there are definitely people who do it on purpose, as a hobby, and do not think twice about the damage to the recipient. i sometimes wonder if a hidden intention behind some behavior patterns is a subconscious effort to deflect attention from the shortcomings of the ones doling out the venom. 130315 ... n o m can't hurt you 131210 ... ovenbird Is that in childhood I might have been called an extrovert. No one would call me that now. My extroversion was attached to a confidence that I no longer have. There’s a picture of me buried somewhere in an album in my parents’ basement. I’m about seven years old and wearing my favourite clothes—a black skirt and matching long sleeved shirt both covered in neon stars. In the picture I’m making my body a star too. My hands are raised to the sky and my legs are set wide apart, so I create an “X,” and everything about me radiates outward, all my body language says that I am unafraid to take up space, to be seen, to be loud. If you looked at the picture of that girl with her smile bright enough to travel the galaxy and her heart exposed and unprotected, you would have a hard time believing that she is me. Now I tend to shrink myself. I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just something my body does to feel safe. I sit with my arms crossed and tucked in close. I pull my knees up to my chest. It’s difficult to find pictures where my smile puts out more than the weak light of a 10 watt bulb. I miss that girl in the star skirt. But she’s light years away. 260925 ... raze i used to be able to kick higher than my head. when i had to choose between kung fu and piano lessons after a year or two of both, i chose piano, even though music theory never made much sense to me and i was faking it from the start, picking up what i could by ear and guessing at the rest. i miss the taste of orange gatorade in a glass bottle more than any sane person should. i still have every note and handwritten letter anyone ever wrote me. even the ones that hurt to read. my tv hasn't been plugged in for years. i've had the same calendar since 2023. i can't remember the last time i cleaned my room. i would die to protect this_place. sometimes a great weight of sadness makes me feel like i can't go on. but i go on. 260925 what's it to you? who go blather from