unwritten_rules tender_square "you can't wear the t-shirt of the band you're seeing at their concert!" i exclaimed. the table of women all turned to face me with quizzical looks as i blushed. "has no one else ever heard that before?" i searched their faces for assurance. into their chasm of silence i fell, realizing my error. i'd inadvertently gone after our hostess, the only woman i really knew at the table, in front of her friends. "yeah..." i stammered. "it's like this unspoken rule; you can wear other band t-shirts to a concert but not that band." one women chimed in saying she'd never heard this before, and others followed suit. "oh, it must just be something from circles i've run in," i softened. i looked to the stone-faced hostess. "no judgement!" i shouted. "oh, i think you judged me," she said. 230416 ... epitome of incomprehensibility (I hope she said that with a smile and not in a huffy way! It would seem to me an odd thing to take serious offense at - and I'm someone who'd noob-ishly assume the exact opposite about band T-shirts conventions [although, if I think about it, the T-shirt rule could indicate a) an indie sensibility about discovering new things and/or b) a desire not to appear over-eager]. Anyway, you never know what people will be sensitive about, and I hope it didn't put you in an awkward situation.) Sociolinguistics - topic of intercultural miscommunication - one article talking about encounters between Korean-American storekeepers and African-American customers. Long story short, they both thought each other rude - the Black people thought the Koreans were rude for not talking much, the Koreans thought the Black people rude for making small talk in a store. Different conversational norms + underlying tensions from groups both marginalized in different ways. And I think "intercultural" miscommunication occurs with things that don't fall into standard identity labels. I mean, cultures can be more things than just ethnicity, geography, class. Also styles of doing things. A funny example was when Mom's friend R. (who came over today for dinner, but this happened years ago) heard me complaining about the having a_rounder_nose than others. She said in all seriousness, "Well, maybe you could get something done..." i.e. plastic surgery. The look my mom gave her!! In her/our family "culture," criticizing looks = very rude; plastic surgery = frivolous (not always, but in this case, yeah). 230416 ... e_o_i *me having a_rounder_nose than others, gah 230416 what's it to you? who go blather from