postage_absent belly fire When I think of you I always end up reminding myself how I don't miss you. As true as it is to me now, as true as I believe it to be anyway, it's not you I miss...it's all the time you gave me that I carry around. I won't say that in spite of these things I should hate you for the person you turned out to be but I won't say I should love you because of them either. Still, it's these things that will keep me thinking of you. I miss our banter. I miss the way your voice would get soft when you had something important to say. I miss those in-between moments you stole with me and held me so gently but as though you'd never let me go. I miss your smell. I miss the whispers in my ear. I miss the soft tugs you gave my lips with your teeth. I miss knowing what you were thinking. I miss the way you finished my sentences...the way you began them. I miss the way you held my hand. I miss how you'd turn and kiss my hair out of the blue. I miss how you could look right into my eyes and not have to turn them away. I miss your breath on my neck. I miss the way you held my gaze, my attention and my secrets. I miss how you stole my apprehension. I miss how warm your body felt against mine. I miss that you knew right where to touch me. I miss how I was never afraid of you. I miss that being next to you felt as familiar as an old friend...but as exciting as a new adventure. I miss never feeling lonely. I miss closing and opening my eyes to you. I miss that you were never afraid to try new things. I miss that your friends were my friends. I miss the moments we made together that remain only ours. I miss how good a fighter you were. I love that you were my friend first...that you were my lover last. I miss that you fulfilled me and made me feel loved...but you let me keep that part of myself. I love that you never bragged to him...that I never bragged to her. I love that you were the first I trusted, but that you never had me at all. I miss the way you always knew where I was...and how you searched when you didn't. I miss how you trusted me alone with him. I miss how your issues were just as hilarious as mine. I miss learning something new about you everyday. I miss how you scared me...in a wonderful way. I miss the feeling of being full of you, even in my dreams. I miss how you could always surprise me. I miss how you made me feel like a girl for the first time in my life...and I loved it. I miss how easily you made me laugh. I loved that my family loved you. I almost loved you. I miss that moment, I miss that hug, I miss our summer, but I don't miss you. It's good that I could walk away, even with a broken heart. 030217 what's it to you? who go blather from