nothing_is_wrong
perfectly fine i'm just so tired
i don't know
how or why
what i'm typing



wake up go
to sleep now wake
up go to sleep
it's this pattern
cycle
days and days and days


and i think of ways to escape
but i don't know if there is anything
i don't know i don't know i just don't
know why i think i need something


and i miss the words
that someone used to share
but i guess i wore out that welcome
with whatever it was i said or did
and there's no use in wishing
for anything more
what is is is
and what was was was
or maybe it never ever
maybe it never ever was
i only ever thought we were friends
i think
my heart is so distorted
i think i've been dreaming
everything
days become fields for burying myself in
i see black coats in my stupid dreams

i look at stars and histories
but nothing guides me
there is no great destination
only distraction from destruction

i think light a falsity
i think myself the enemy

i'm tired of fighting like this
i wish i could speak proper english
i wish i could write how i truly feel

but everything is wrong
and i'm just kidding to myself
thinking somehow
i could end this lonliness


today i woke to thoughts of death
it's so selfish of me
but i'm so fed up with feeling
and i'm curious

i know i've just gotta do something
it's just a question of what
a matter of how
a moment of when
a theory of why
041107
...
Bespeckled Everything is fine.
Everything is peachy.
Everything is just the way I hoped it would be, desired it to be.
So what is that itch in the back of my glances at you?
041107
...
aM i DiStUrBeD? Because feeling this way feels,
As if it is to be deemed like this
Forever.
But forever is such a long time.

Wasting the days until I remember what it is
I had.
And what I can never get back.
From you, from me,
From my life.
I think that it may be lost forever,
Whatever it was.
But forever, is such a long time.

And sitting here, twiddling my thumbs probably
Isn’t the best thing I can do.
But it’s all I can do.
Until time presents a new form of life to me.
In a brand spanking new form of its alter ego.
Waiting for me to open forever and live it, be it, forever.
But forever is such a long time.
041108
...
Bespeckled Everything_is_fine 050114
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from