kayak ovenbird On the water, the sandpipers startle and swim skyward. The sun, still with a nimbus of summer, sheds the river and slips its naked body into a silk robe of mountain air. I am separated from the current by the thinnest hull, and it’s enough to let me fly. A paddle becomes pinions, and I am wind_borne, chasing the Fraser to the sea. I can feel my own power rising from my tailbone to the scapular hinges that let my shoulders pull against the waves. If I must live, let it be this way—carried in the arms of an ancient tributary, fire running through my forearms, salt spray shining in my hair. 250915 ... ovenbird It seemed like a perfect day to be out on the water so I took my kayak down to the dock, planning to paddle upriver first. It’s a good idea to move against the current when your muscles are fresh, and then let the water carry you home on the return journey. So I travelled east with the jumping salmon only wondering a little about the ease and speed of my progress. As my muscles warmed to the work I fell into a trance-like rhythm and quickly reached the rock causeway that connects the dyke to Shady Island. I made a U-turn around an abandoned sailboat and prepared to head back home…which is when I discovered that I had been enjoying a nearly 20 km/h tailwind. With that same wind against me I could barely move and found myself creeping downriver at 2-3 km/h all while paddling as hard as I could. I surprised myself a little with my own strength. My arms and shoulders were up to the task, but my right hand seized up painfully about half way back to the dock I had launched from and it soon became clear that I wasn’t going to make it. Waves were coming up over the bow, spraying my face with oily salt water but it was, despite everything, rather exhilarating. There’s something that happens when you push your body to its limit—fear mixed with endorphins and something else…a primal feeling that has something to do with pitting yourself against the elements. In this case, the elements won. I turned around and went upriver again, feeling the wind like a strong hand on my back. I pulled my kayak out at a different dock and arranged for a ride back to my car. I suppose I could have been disappointed about my failure to complete the trip but instead I felt an aching gratitude. I am still young enough and strong enough to face off against the autumn winds that sweep the coast. I have no reason to expect that I don’t have decades left to dip my paddle into the waves. I get to imagine a sprawling future with enough freedom to spend countless hours exploring the minute details of my coastal home. Though my arms were trembling in the aftermath of over-exertion, a hot shower was enough to calm the spasms and I sank into the afternoon, tired and battered, but not broken. 250921 what's it to you? who go blather from