corny_jokes nr there's a time and place for them. "[joe], did you cut your hair?" the student asked. "i cut most of them, except this one," the teacher answered, pointing at a lone hair. 220809 ... nr "i've been listening to dr. dre these days; i'd kind of forgotten how good some of his stuff in the '90s was." "so, you're saying you forgot about dre?" (obvious joke but appreciated nonetheless.) 220809 ... raze first ear of corn: "i'm proud of my son. he's doing great things in the air force." second ear of corn: "what's his rank?" first ear of corn: "kernel." 220809 ... raze q: what did the ocean say to the beach? a: nothing. it just waved. 220813 ... e_o_i Okay, props to raze for making this ABOUT corn. Dad and I were walking Shiloh yesterday when I commented on how he's gotten into the habit of peeing around trees. Or rather where other dogs have done so. "Peer pressure," I said. And then, seizing the opportunity, "Pee-er pressure." 220814 ... raze (i'll have you know that your recognition of my intentional corniness made me grin. and your urine-based pun gave me a great cackle.) 220814 ... raze q: why don't eggs make good comedians? a: they're always cracking up. 220817 ... raze a length of string walks into a bar and pulls up a stool. the bartender asks, "can i get you a drink?" "no!" says the string. "i'm a frayed knot!" 220916 ... raze q: why do melons get married? a: they cantaloupe. 220917 ... tender_square q: what do you call two crows? a: an attempted murder. 220930 ... raze q: why did the bear quit the police force? a: he didn't have the stomach for investigating grizzly crime scenes. 230210 ... raze q: what did the amputated toe say to its brethren? a: i think we got off on the wrong foot. 230415 ... e_o_i Oxford edition! David timed his comment with my bathroom-going. He said through the door, "You spent six weeks in Germany and now...European!" (pronounced yer-a-peein'). Then, at the Ashmolean Museum, I pointed out a Greek statue missing two of its limbs. "Look, that reminds me of an Ernest Hemingway book," I said. What? he went. "A Farewell to Arms." 230702 ... raze q: what do you call a smug piece of bread with a sunburn? a: wry toast. 230712 ... raze (this one's more depraved than corny, but here goes anyway.) q: what was the male adult film star's favourite leonard_cohen song? a: "came so far for beauty". 230718 ... raze a man goes to see his doctor. "doctor," he says. "i'm shrinking. what should i do?" "i guess," the doctor says, "you'll just have to be a little patient." 230719 ... raze q: what's a pig's favourite karate move? a: the pork chop. 230727 ... raze (this one is borrowed from andru.) q: how can you tell if you're not over someone? a: you still carry a porch for them. 230730 ... raze two elderly lady nuts become fast friends. the first nut asks, "what did your husband do for a living?" the second nut replies, "he spent his life working in the world of macadamia." 230807 ... raze q: why is the sea so strong? a: it's full of mussels. 230928 ... raze q: why do you never hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? a: the p is silent. 230930 ... raze you know how books lose weight? they have their appendixes removed. 231001 ... raze a man came home from work and asked his dog how his day was. "ruff," the dog replied. 231120 ... raze this seasonal selection was seen on a sign outside a store today: "if athletes have athlete's foot, what do elves have? mistletoe!" 231127 ... raze q: what do you call an incomplete intestine? a: a semicolon. 240112 ... raze q: how do you get a squirrel's attention? a: climb a tree and act like you're nuts. 241206 what's it to you? who go blather from