conflicted no reason i don't think i've ever been this conflicted before in my life, and i'm a pretty indecisive person. 140525 ... kerry It’s good we aren’t getting calls from dispatch. It’s good to drive around the usual spots and see them empty or nearly empty and for someone to say nah i don’t need a snack I’m good. But now I’m just sitting here waiting for my shift to end. 210806 ... unhinged i want to get better at telling people how i really feel in person covid has made that all but impossible and the only person that overflows me in a tangible physical way wants me to speak other languages he's more fluent in wishes that friend thing upon us or maybe between us and once again i find myself in a relationship that fuels my creativity but denies the full depth of my heart (is that where all the impetus comes from? misdirected want?) but i had been shifting before him and now find this idea of platonic romance more than satisfying i'm becoming more queer in my old age i could care less what the world thinks i could live on your hugs and smiles even in the miniscule doses you dole out between jobs exwives children is a modern woman in an unprecedented time 210807 ... unhinged or it could all disappear like casual want coulda just been the covid denial talking just one more example of how entertaining and novel i seem at first and also so easily cast aside 210826 ... kerry red_is_alive and i feel it pulling on me or perhaps i am looking for something to grab onto but i keep pressing Go over_and_over and nothing... clicks. click Nevermind, click Go, what to do? my fingers need new tongues. 210827 what's it to you? who go blather from