antipathy Carlos of Miami I used to be a very nice guy, and I cared a lot about what others thought and felt. As the years began to pass, I began to find meaningful social inclusion an evasive thing, and I began to despair. Still I tried, but when I hit rock bottom in 2004 I began to see just how hollow are the cares of most. Per my own efforts I have rebounded. However I now don't care much at all what others think. I do somewhat care what they feel, but only sometimes, and I'm not going to pander. I'm not sadistic, but why should I cater to the way you think things ought be when you do nothing to reciprocate? I try and make things the way I think they ought to be without stopping you from doing the same but you haven't developed that yet. I waited and waited. Your development's arrested. I was so nice to so many people. I tried so hard to alleviate their insecurities and to placate their angers. I was often quite successful. But so little came back. I do not expect a tit for tat payoff, but a 5% return on investment left my reserves depleted. The judgements, the meaningless judgements. A guy tries to have some fun with things and if others don't share his idea wouldn't you think they'd simply ignore him? But it's always derision, always scorn. And such empty derision and scorn; it doesn't mean anything other than to piss me off. Vile sentiments sent at another's merriment, for no articulated reason whatsoever. What_a_day. Go fuck yourself. I hope you hated every second of it and the next time you find something fun, I hope someone squelches it with the sniveling, asinine emptiness of spirit that you wet rags put out yourselves. You know who you are. 080811 ... belly fire I'm right there with you. Most days I end up angry with myself for having cared so much; embarrassed even. 080812 ... Liker Hey, don't be angry. I liked What_A day, etc. I'm assuming that was you. 080813 ... unhinged i too went through that cycle of caring and then being embarrassed about caring. and then i had a telephone conversation with a long lost friend after he straightened his life out after quite literally being on the brink. he apologized for being a selfish twat when he had drug problems and told me that even though he couldn't say it back then he was really thankful for all the things i did for him and he loved me a lot. that was the day i stopped being embarrassed about caring. it's true; most people will use you and your heart will go unacknowledged. but, there WILL be at least one person whose life is changed by it. so care, care away. you never know whose life you might save. 080813 what's it to you? who go blather from