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epitome of incomprehensibility
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I like that template. With apologies for my irreverelevance:
Dr. Q: To rule out sinusitis, I'll have to ask you: what colour is your mucus?
Patient: Clear. But it tastes like salt water.
Dr. Q: Did you know that salt also tastes like salt water?
Patient: Are you mocking my choice of words? I've had enough of that from my real estate agent. He told me not to put "hardwood floors" in the ad, that I could just put "hardwood" and they'd know what I meant. But sometimes you need a bit of redundancy. I mean, how do you know I'm not talking about wooden walls? or making some sexual innuendo? ...involving walls?
Dr. Q: Let's get back to the point. Were you more or less congested yesterday?
Patient: I don't remember. Sometimes my nose isn't stuffy, but I still need to clear my throat all the time. I think you should refer me to an allergist. I can't concentrate on my art with so much goddamn phlegm floating around. That's the right word for it, isn't it? Phlegm? Sounds so much better than mucus. I think snot is the most poetic, though.
Dr. Q: You write poetry?
Patient: Well, depending how you look at it...
Dr. Q: Yeah, no. I saw some of your paintings at the Fluid Gallery during the annual Ear, Nose, and Throat Charity Ball. I felt like I'd stepped into 1952. Don't you ever paint in colour?
Patient: No.
Dr. Q: Too bad.
Patient: If there were a mouse on the wall right now, would this seem like a weird conversation?
Dr. Q: Do you think I'd let my office become infested by mice? Ever?
Patient: Well, I might not expect such a thing, but if someone told me there were mice here before, I'd believe it. It's not an absolutist sort of scenario.
Dr. Q: Maybe you're used to mice. Maybe you're allergic to them, and that's what's causing the congestion. Why not get rich and famous, then hire an exterminator?
Patient: My art isn't about getting rich. It's about pigment deprivation. In a way, that's sort of like extermination, but without killing any living beings. Intentionally.
Dr. Q: Let's get back to the point here. Suppose you really have lung cancer and sending you to an allergist only delays further testing that could've saved your life?
Patient: I dunno.
Dr. Q: Very nonchalant. You must have some belief in a supreme being, then, to accept the prospect of death so calmly?
Patient: You sound like me thirteen years ago. Only older, and more male.
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140530
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