daddy belly fire perfect little baby girl well, almost perfect. why shouldn't everyone know... you should be YELLING it!!! 020808 ... josie I nearly cried this evening, walking back from the station through one of the greenest suburbs I know. I'm, unsure really as to why or how I managed to work myself up about it, but here's my two cents for the day anyhow. Amongst the cool air and sweet scents of a late spring, I found my thoughts scattered amongst memories of my daddy. In particular, a series of memories I'd never really recalled since his death. I was remembering.. like it was only yesterday, walking. Taking long, easy walks...anywhere and everywhere, just to get out of the house. No sisters, no mothers. My daddy would ask that he and I walk together for hours, nowhere in particular. Down the street to the corner store, down to the park, down to the rock with the view... And I remember how it felt.. doing nothing but simply enjoying time. It makes me sad, yes. But i smile also. Death is a magical and somewhat beautiful thing. A life vanishes into thin air, and you find yourself cherishing the moments you shared with that person. It's different from not seeing someone again that you know still exists. The wonderful and probably the most moving thing of all is that the feeling in that memory, so unique, will never in this lifetime be recaptured. I spend time with my sister and my friends, then I leave.. mostly wishing they were still around to be with afterward. And I remember wonderful times, golden opportunities embraced amongst us.. but the bizarre feeling goes that I always am content in the knowledge that it will happen again tomorrow. Sure thing no guarantees here.. but think about it. You worry, lose a little sleep maybe.. but you know you'll hear that voice again, you know you'll feel their presence again, you know it cause it's all so familiar. How could it not be so? The beautiful thing within loss is that you'll find the beauty in a memory so unique to never ever be replaced, reproduced.. And it's happy, because you never want to anyway. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. And so, i didn't wipe away tears this evening.. you know what ? I think it was the first time in awhile that I didn't feel my heart fall through my chest missing my daddy 020808 ... belly fire don't regret and don't worry even though she's gone you'll still always be her daddy. Remember her without the machines. Almost perfect baby girl. 020907 ... Freak Im done whining about my daddy. Im getting sick of hearing myself. 020914 what's it to you? who go blather from