there_is PeeT a tangerine heart dividing you and me. 120131 ... sardines there's sledgehammers pounding the feet that move forward along this journey there's buzz saws cutting off the hands that open the doors to welcome me to new worlds 121223 ... log burning fire day 2 with the special needs girl. i discovered she has prader-willi syndrome. hands in mine, we moved through the crowd on to the lift. all the way down she asked me what time it was, how many minutes until lunch, what she had for dinner the night before, how she ate her dad's salad. but a bench is what she wanted the most. her legs hurt and she wanted to sit down. there wasn't one available until we made it all the way down the mountain. we sat, side by side, my arm around her. there must have been a strained look on my face, because a beautiful woman walked up to me and asked if we were ok. "is there anything i could do to help? she asked. oh wow! are there people in the world like her? there is. "we're fine," i said, her eyes on mine. "bu thank you so much." i hope i said it with what i was feeling for her. 121230 ... Ouroboros a confusion in my heart that leaves me uprooted. a deep desire in the ache of my heart spoke loudly, and i packed up all my altar items, healing books, crystals, statues of deities, oracle cards, etc. there is a feeling of betrayal in me. how can i pray and know that i-am-you-are-everything-is-One; how can i have felt the energy flow from my hands into other's, or the hands of others on me to heal; and yet i am not uplifted, not saved, not healed. it seems only that i am more aware of my misery. i feel as if i have betrayed myself by trusting too much, when all there is is me, living my life, making it in the world, trying to help and uplift others. i have trusted in being uplifted, and all there_is is my tiny tepid existence in all of this cosmos. 130105 ... Ouroboros and so there_is a closet full of sacred objects next to me 130105 ... PeeT an outpouring coming upon you, like you have never known. a waterfall of joy, and understanding immeasurable. 130105 ... Ouroboros nothing certain other than my heart beats- it didn't always beat, and one day it will stop 130106 ... sardines a place that time has lived through. but i could go there and hear, like whispers, the words i once treasured like things tucked away in an attic. 130107 ... Coopel rasha Give me one more shot. 130107 ... raze synthetic ice beneath both wrists, and so many signs i'm sure i've missed, though my eyes are always open even when they've crusted over and lost the will to see. now i kneel betwixt the catkins singing, "willow, weep for me". 240303 what's it to you? who go blather from