remembrance_day nr we used to have a minute of silence in class every year on this day at 11am. i tried many places to find a poppy this year but was unsuccessful. 211111 ... tender_square that's one thing i miss about living in canada, they don't wear poppies in the states. so many streets in windsor bear the symbol of that flower on their green rectangles to mark the names of battles. 211111 ... unhinged to my (half) sisters cousin who died on his third (?)tour of afghanistan to my grandfather who made parts for bombs that disintegrated people's bones, his own bones disintegrated to the twenty two soldiers per day who kill themselves when they come home from the ptsd #endthedamnwars 211111 ... tender_square my paternal grandfather, whom i never met, was a rear upper gunner in wwii. he served two tours. he makes appearances in the book "a yank in bomber command" by robert s. raymond. it's one rare and limited insight i have into what kind of man he was. he left my grandmother when my father was a baby and he died of cirrhosis when i was a child. 211111 ... e_o_i I saw a poppy lying unused on Dad's jacket yesterday. "Can I wear it?" I was headed to work. I worried aloud whether people would think I was pro-war, though. If that was what people thought the symbol meant. I didn't want to convey that but I thought a symbol to honour veterans wouldn't hurt. Was thinking particularly of Grandpa. It's a bit suspect to glory in relatives' achievements as if they're your own, but to show respect? That's another thing. Dad said something like, "Well, the pro-war jingoists are rarely veterans. Veterans know what war is like." Me, "Yes, but patriotism. In those ceremonies everything seems to be so patriotic, as if countries matter so much, I mean more than people." Anyway, the poppy soon slid off my slippery raincoat, jogged perhaps by the backpack strap. I don't know where it went. 211112 ... e_o_i A stranger thing happened that day, but it wasn't about Veterans Day, so it might find its own title. 211112 ... e_o_i Veterans Day, okay. Now I'm American all of a sudden. I'm half American? My dad is. Countries are so arbitrary. That other story is in my journal. I don't think tonight's the night for it. It had a good-ish outcome, despite the weirdness. 211112 ... e_o_i I mean it wasn't the bad outcome I was afraid of. But I need to sleep now. 211112 ... kerry i used to wish my dad happy veteran's day. he always gave me an odd look and said something like "thanks?" so i didn't call him this year. my mother posted a picture of him on facebook. there are five of them, tired-looking young men, and he stands in the center--arms crossed, green uniform too loose on his thin frame. he turned 21 there, in a bunker. tells me stories about smoking weed and taking morphine, listening to bob dylan, blonde on blonde. ("we thought his name was pronounced Die-lan," he likes to say) his gaze is resentful. they say i'm a spitting image. 211113 ... e_o_i What happened two years ago: someone told me, "Don't_call_the_fucking_ambulance." 231112 what's it to you? who go blather from