random_blatherings birdmad heat devils shifting along the path, a few dirty thoughts burning and twisting in their own similar fashion in the back of my mind, pushing my sunglasses back up the sweat-slicked bridge of my nose, satisfied for the moment on the comparatively light sustenance of a peanut butter sandwich and a tall glass of unsweetened tea. i want a cigarette, a good clove cigarette, but i'm stretched a bit thin and smokes are a luxury i can't quite swing, meanwhile among the thoughts doing a dance in the periphery of all the stuff that goes on in my head is something about trying to slither my way into the good graces of the lovely young temper tantrum in the corner apartment (i'm a masochist, sue me...though i can only shudder at what i imagine things will be like once her toddler is old enough to either follow her example or otherwise butt heads with her) i am sapped, drenched in sweat from my outside meanderings, trying to look like i'm earning my paycheck, still wanting that smoke, bored by the slowness of today's workload. no clue just yet what i will cook for dinner 070706 ... gja When I cant decide what to have for dinner I always go back to asian greens. Buk Choy, Su Chim, Brocolli(sp?), whatever is in the grocer. Stir fired, Some stock, oyster sauce, cumin and dried chilli + onion and garlic too. Its a winner served on boiled rice. Tastes good, you know you've eaten something, and is very very healthy - sex drive healthy. As for the kid - cant offer anything. My two use me as an example - I swing between flattered and horrified. 070707 ... gja Also - dont smoke - I have recently quit that habit - I mean very recently when compared to 15 years of smoking. I am on the verge of becoming a really really annoying "reformed" smoker. I wont let it get to the preaching stage - but I can see why other folks do - it just feels so good to be free of that demon. My entire existence used to be measured in time between smokes. Somehow now it is not and it is very liberating. Also your wind comes back. And thats nice - but - each to their own. 070707 ... birdmad i have quit smoking many times...kicking junk was actually easier 070707 ... birdmad lunch time, stomach rumbling, i need more... more books to read, more money, more music, more pleasure, maybe even a little more pain boredom is a hunger, ennui gnawing at some intangible part of me in a metaphysical variation of that hollow hunger pang there are few things left within the boundaries of law that i have not done, likewise, there are few things outside the scope of law that i have not done, but only for the grace of my own particular concessions to that confluence of personal taste and the few constraints of my own conscience the weather is hot, the humidity is up and surprisingly, even as scruffy as i look today, i managed to draw a few curious glances from the sort of women with whom i would not mind breaking a sweat...most instriguing was one on the crowded bus whose gaze alternately conveyed an odd mixture of interested curiosity and puzzled disdain... if she could have read my mind, she would have been right on both counts 070709 what's it to you? who go blather from