my_funny_valentine bijou !@#$% 020219 ... bijou it's not that bad, baby. it would really help me if you wouldn't be so distressed. it was nice. happy valentine. we were in the_van on the way home from lawrence. so, oh. so close. always me, always you so close always our fingers and our faces, our silly eyes that try to understand everything. always that freckle on your lip. a first kiss. i always remember the song, but not this time. all i remember is you. akward at first, i wanted to be sure. you wanted it so badly. your hands on my neck like you could strangle me. oh, babe this silly game. i have never wanted any thing more than this moment right here. please keep driving forever. but there is something thankless in a wish fulfilled. something has changed this time. i am not wrong. you hate yourself for this. i hate myself for making you sad. i wish i didn't think you were in love with me. maybe if you hadn't said it i wouldn't think so. when we got home we went straight to the bathroom. you held me close and we danced because maybe you didn't know what else to do. no music, just you and me. the sound our blood makes as it rushes through us too fast, making us do silly things. i love you more than anything in the whole world. these foolish games are tearing me apart. 020219 ... bijou blue bunny i can't believe that was already a year ago. today. i talked to him on the phone today, lives a thousand miles from me now. i wanted to remind him this was the anniversary of our first kiss. he probably would have hung up the phone. he doesn't like to talk about stuff like that. 030214 ... bijou now more than two years past. good thing i have a way of writing things that conveys my emotions back to me. i remember exactly how it felt. if i hadn't written here, it would be gone forever. maybe best that way. 040403 what's it to you? who go blather from