iv_sonya_from_sullen_to_fearless frAnk how did this transformation take place? what are the events or turning points, internal changes, that led to it? 020528 ... Sonya Several monthes ago I was very depressed because of relationship and educational events that took place at the same time. I had to deal with disillusion that set in because of someone else's inability to be completely honest with me. This kind of thing had happened to me repeatedly in the past, but in this instance, it was the first time I put my faith into someone else...aka. believed in someone else. I guess it was a mistake. Now I know it wasn't meant to be. This was back in Fall of '01. I was changing colleges and venturing towards a Computer Arts degree. I had just earned an Associate's Degree in general education. Everything was just beginning for me. I began to lose confidence in myself at that point because I was going towards the unknown. Those who know me well know that I take my studies very seriously. Within the first week of classes, it was Sept. 11th. Our campus was completely shut down and we were sent home. Downtown San Francisco turned into a desert and was completely shut/locked down. I was surprised I didn't see a tumbleweed roll by. I was in no way prepared for something so tragic to occur. I don't really like talking about it, but it didn't exactly 'lift' my spirits if you will. I'm a pacifist to boot...and what DID lift my spirits was participating in a peace rally at Golden Gate park in S.F. a few weeks later. These days I have come to embrace the little things that happen each day. Things like a rainshower, the magenta flowers on Grand St. in Alameda, the way the skyscrapers pop up in your face after you pass Treasure Island on the Bay bridge when you head to S.F. I try not to take each moment in life for granted. I have found new happiness in new friends, love, and opportunities. I really think I'm fearless now because whatever happens happens. I used to be an insane worry wart, and I still am sometimes, but now I don't really dwell on what MIGHT happen. I have come to realize that there are things beyond my control, and this includes other people. I cannot foresee what someone will do, or say, but I can just hope that perhaps honesty will prevail. And more importantly, I can fully appreciate the good times I have right now so they are not forgotten. I realize that everything I've just written is rather cliche, but I know of no other way to convey my answer. Perhaps it's easier said that the Sonya I used to be was killed, but has been reborn...only this time she is more aware, grateful, and even a tad joyful. 020528 what's it to you? who go blather from