guardians_of_solitude ovenbird Rilke. From Letters to a Young Poet: "I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other. I am of the opinion that 'marriage' as such does not deserve as much emphasis as it has acquired through the conventional development of its nature. It is a question in marriage, to my feeling, not of creating a quick community of spirit by tearing down and destroying all boundaries, but rather a good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude, and shows him this confidence, the greatest in his power to bestow. A togetherness between two people is an impossibility, and where it seems, nevertheless, to exist, it is a narrowing, a reciprocal agreement which robs either one party or both of his fullest freedom and development. But, once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole and against a wide sky! For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." ************************************* Many of these words wove themselves through my wedding vows. We set off to be the guardians of each other's solitude and I suppose it's yet to be seen if we've succeeded. I have learned the sharp difference between solitude and loneliness. I became a mother and had solitude withheld through the demands of mothering and fell into deep pits of loneliness as I rocked my babies in the 3 a.m. dark. I have learned that solitude does not preclude connection but, in fact, is a necessary precursor. In order to form powerful connections with other people I must have the space and freedom to confidently engage in the expression of my truest self, without fear, without apology. And knowing yourself requires access to quiet reflection and serious exploration. It requires solitude. A thing that is in short supply in a world that demands endless meaningless connections through online platforms that prioritize superficial exchanges that have nothing to do with true witness. We have created a world of jealous voyeurism and leave little space to figure out what our souls want to be in the few years we have. Mid life and menopause have been hitched to ideas of decay and worthlessness, but I am finding that these years afford a new chance at a powerful solitude–not an insular retreat from the world, but a deep dedication to exploring what makes me whole and provides energy to offer the world the best of myself. Solitude is a principle that I clearly intended to be the foundation of my life’s most important relationships, and I find that it was lost somewhere along the way. I wonder, every day, what it might look like to reclaim it. 251121 what's it to you? who go blather from