careful_what_you_wish_for ovenbird How many times have I fallen to my knees and wished to be home, wished to hold the hands of the family that loves me best, wished to be all together in the house I grew up in with memories like dust bunnies in every corner and the ghost of my cat still curled up on the couch. How many times have I said “please” with hands clasped, “just give me this one thing,” and then turned to go back to the life I chose, unanswered. Until today when the universe reconsiders, says “sure, I’ll send you home, but there’s a catch” and then sends me a picture of my father, small in the sea of a hospital bed, tubes everywhere, so many that I can’t imagine what they’re all for and I fall to my knees again and say, “this isn’t what I meant!” “I know,” says the universe, “but this is what there is, and you will go now and stand with your brother and your mother and the purring ghosts and you’ll gather at your father’s bedside and sing him into wakefulness and with your arms around each other and your fear like a tube down your own throat you’ll wait to see what turn fate takes.” I pack one bag. I book a flight. I say “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” over and over but can't quite seem to believe it. Then I look mortality in the eye and ask it very politely to fuck off. 250417 ... epitome of incomprehensibility (Sending waves of encouragement, especially if this is something recent/current.) Less of a stress, but the title reminds me how my mother was telling my brother, "Oh, you don't want to just get a job at Gracefield again" like it was a JUST. And now he applies too late and the spots are filled up. Not that I should blame her. Not only. Not only but also, it's not_so_good_Friday (I don't know why "glum" is the word I thought of there, but he's been glum all day.) 250418 ... ovenbird I appreciate the encouragement e_o_i I'm navigating a bit of a family emergency at the moment but thankfully am home and feeling supported. Also, I very much liked the way "glum" and "plum" played off each other. 250419 ... nr this is such a beautiful way to write about such a difficult situation. i relate to this in a way; it's not a fun club to be in. sending strength. 250419 ... ovenbird Thank you nr! It's not a club I wish on anyone but being with family helps. 250419 ... e_o_i (I'm glad the heart crisis is over and I wish him a good recovery.) 250420 what's it to you? who go blather from