flooding .nom feels like i've been hearing these songs forever these songs i can't quite hear them clearly but they are always playing repeating other sounds grab me drowning the songs to some extent but even if faintly i can hear them still sometimes they get louder and louder they are the songs_of_my_childhood one has the taste of hot mustard and the building of a sand castle and a bus trip and my grandma and another a bathing suit and a casserole burning and a locksmith another is a window i'm watching from dogs i can see running and i can feel the antenna headband and i can feel its colour and there is a craft faire and i'm playing in another song it has a crabapple tree and i'm upside down hanging or am i downside up and one song i'm older six i'm learning about evolution and extinction from national geographic and leprosy from the bible one i'm younger and learning what sex is not and another it's christmas and i'm pretending along to believe in santa even though i already know my parents went shopping for the gifts i already know i am getting i'm leaving teeth for the tooth fairy even though i think she is baloney and there is the wind in the trees always that sound and songs jump around from town to town and i think why am i thinking about these things at 4iam at 5iam trying to put together a missing-pieces-puzzle and the pieces have all been scattered but i'm seeing some of the picture moving still it all moves so fast it's hard to catch flashes i have a memory of lightning it's like the memory of gum these songs that are so fuzzy they sound like an in-between station from some far-off nation and that makes me hear springsteen and fireworks and so many things i'm tired i think i'll fall asleep now maybe when_i_wake_up i will write it all down in a book or maybe i won't maybe i won't write anything maybe i should delete this it's all been done before 050218 ... mon uow kamloops shawnigan_lake victoria naniamo when_i_was_small) 050321 ... nom) "After the storm the strange light is the reason for the storm; no one remembers thunder, but embers of numb light remain in the programs of memory." - macewen, gwendolyn from the first poem after rain 050811 what's it to you? who go blather from