the_day_you_died unhinged the_grey_hair_you_made (it would be about the right length) 100830 ... jane (firsts) 100831 ... unhinged i hate to say it but maybe it would be easier for me now if the ambulance would have been seconds too late if your dad would have waited one minute longer to find you if you would have stayed dead that day i feel horrible guilty for even thinking it but maybe the heartache of that would be easier somehow rather than the thought that i'm not good enough that even after i took care of you kept you awake kept you alive i'm still not good enough to be responsible for how that day made me feel 100831 ... unhinged today was the first day i haven't cried in almost two months 100914 ... unhinged you called me yesterday and said you were going to take all the pills you had. i was frozen, dumbfounded, upset. i couldn't think of anything to say or do. i just held out hope that i was another empty threat. so i called you this morning to make sure you were still alive: 'well you scared me last night; i just wanted to make sure you were okay' 'yeah, i'm fine. i'm just gonna stay in bed' there_are_no_words_here that don't make me sound like a selfish asshole 101212 ... jane haunted 101213 ... unhinged haunted haunted and a little speechless at all the shit i've senselessly tolerated in the past 16 months 110316 ... unhinged (if i deserve better let me have better) 110317 ... Ouroboros a year ago a part of you died. he took that from you. at knife-point. with force he stole your trust, he bruised your body and your soul. innocence died that day. but not you. he spared you. you live now, you stopped running from the pain and are facing it, moment to moment. your heart beats, your arms hug, your feet walk and dance. something died that day, but now you are reborn. 110317 ... nyni a spark became a log_burning_fire that still burns. 130302 what's it to you? who go blather from