self_loathing jane what the fuck are you thinking? seriously what the FUCK‽ how do you think this is going to work? you can't even touch in the morning. you exist in different time zones...sometimes it feels like different hemispheres! its not going to be fair, or even, or anything you've worked towards for the last several years. FUCK. you're going to undo everything. nobody will accept you. you're going to have to get out of this community, or this town, or this state. think of the ruckus this is all going to cause. think of how you're going to have to explain things all over again: experimentation, fluidity, boundaries. am I being brainwashed? is this a trick played on unsuspecting women and I just happen to be the ultimate skeptic? how am I falling for this shit? what are you DOING, jane‽ how is this ever going to work? you should just get out of here now while you still can. take back everything about connections and attractions and even love. leave love behind. find yourself. stay free. love is worth nothing compared to freedom. but still... NO. don't payche yourself out of this! you're leaving. but still. but still. there will always be that exception. even if i am willing to destroy my paradigm. this ship cannot last without sails. what flag do I fly? where do I assert my allegiances? I am becoming everything I resent. fuck fluidity. stand your ground. do not falter. keep saying No to this moment, this skin, this hair, this collection of matter and tissue and sex and do not let the loneliness fool you. 150125 ... unhinged is a trick the ego plays to keep you trapped in suffering 150125 ... jane my ego has me far bound, darlin. the instinct is always to run. 150126 ... lux loathe not, love. come to me and i will make you feel good. 150209 ... unhinged has been particularly loud and obnoxious lately 150720 what's it to you? who go blather from