requited_love jane my lover smokes at least 2 packs a day. Robbins scribbled of smoking; it's Man's way of serenading fire and pinching it from the Gods to bring back home as if it were some Heavenly element. it's here. it's Earthly - it's Man's creation in turn, and with all Man's creations, it's smuggled in a bit from Hell as well. so i imagine myself still blossoming in ten years, still prosperous, like my mother, attending vigorously to the needs of newly-borns while doctoring him the way he currently does for his own father. we become our parents, don't we? and our children, their values bi- sected, would question life's worth in its quality. what i know is i'd end up a young widow, attempting explanation for something even i don't understand (the way so many young parents do) a single mother, once a brilliant student of life, disintegrating with every challenge, wondering, how did i get so old? and pontificating the unmentioned shadow of requited love. until then, it's us in bed; i hear his lungs pop and wheeze and i, with my fever, crying out like i'm already that future me, widowed - pleading him to change his ways twenty years too late and foreseeing the dubious path that is the consequence of my present decisions wondering if i'll be the kind of person who regrets doing with no consideration for outcome or the kind of person who regrets being fearful at a time when love was verdant and giving. 091128 ... cr0wl veritas 091128 ... jane eros_and_thanatos 091128 ... unhinged love is most often returned to me not in the way i was looking for not in some whirlwind movietale romance but in a silly voicemail complete with goofy voices that makes me smile everytime i listen to it 091128 ... hsg I found that's the best kind. Thing is, this unrequited_love of mine has hurt so much it brought me to the other side. I loved her so much, to see her happy became my own [happiness]. For that I am grateful, still hurting a bit. Thing is a few years from now I know I'll still be thinking about her. Still loving her. Sometimes a few Gems come along in life and they are few and far in between. Sometimes one or none. But she is, and so am I. I don't think she sees it, though. What really gets me about it is that yeah I want to be with her and_all_that but also I know how rare it is to find enough of the right pieces that she and I are looking for. And she doesn't totally see it so I feel for her. I guess I just don't want to be passed by as just another rock on the beach because only to some are we pearls to each other. And others have their others. That's fine and good, but sometimes being carelessly tossed back into the ocean is indeed a shame. Humbly I ask though, "Am I doing the same with Another?" 091130 ... unhinged i did that to someone once; tossed them back in the ocean. or maybe even worse, never even noticed them that way in the first place. i felt doubly horrible because i knew exactly how it felt to be passed up by the person you burned for. 091130 ... unhinged (that person i tossed back in is engaged now; happy with a girl much better suited for him. and maybe you did acknowledge me the only way you could quickly_mumbled almost silent under your breath over the phone it's not like you didn't tell me that i already knew before that that you were incapable you gave back to me what you could but that wasn't enough) 110523 ... nyni everything is right with the world 130302 what's it to you? who go blather from