not_used_to_it megan we're over. the past two weeks he put me through hell and back. i am so sick of stressing and worrying and just not feeling loved. he tells me he loves me. he tells me he still wants to kiss me on the forehead and hang out and talk. he tells me he still loves me. HOW CAN HE? if he loved me he would realize that i gave him EVERYTHING, ALL OF ME, everything a girl could ever give a guy and a week later he gets rid of me. and i'm supposed to understand. and be ok. and love him. and let him kiss me on the forehead and hang out and talk. and still love him. ...and i can't... i can't be ok when every fiber of my being just wants to be safe in his arms again. when i feel secure enough to say forever and really believe it only to find out he doesn't want that and never really has. i become a statistic on a bloody wall of victory and defeat, of conquer and glory. you had me. what did you think? you didn't cum? oh sorry let me suck your fucking dick a little more. let me take you in me again only to find out you've been lying to me the ENTIRE time you were with me. and yes, i'll still be your friend. and yes i'll bend over backwards trying to help you and change you, only to realize in the end it's nevertheless worth about a pile of leftover belongings that have bittersweet tarnished memories and words that i desparately cling to. and sadly, i still worry about you. i worry about hurting you and so i hold all of this in. i worry abou letting go too much and realizing i can't ever get it back. and i worry that i will never ever be as happy as i was just a month ago. and that scares the living shit out of me. what the hell went wrong?? where did we get off? when will i be ok? when will i be able to stop faking being ok for other people's sake? for your fucking sake? you make me feel bad about needing you, you make me feel dirty for telling my mom and YOU feeling betrayed, and you make me feel like a fucking slut who uses her sexual powers to try and keep a man from leaving. why am i crying? i should be happy everyone says, you're done with me. no more hurting. but it's not true. why do i miss you??? oh God why do i miss you already and know there's nothing, not a damn thing, i can do about it. i feel like you threw me away. 040325 what's it to you? who go blather from